"I'm baaaaack"

The last few weeks have gone by in a blur.  When I think back, just 3 weeks ago we were loading the moving truck bound for Colorado, it just doesn't seem possible that it was only 3 weeks ago.  Then, there's the 2 weeks spent with Tish & Jace.  That went fast.  Now, here we are today, already in our own place for a week.  Crazy.

During these 3 weeks, husband has been a champ.  There were times I could overlook Alzheimer's.  Well, almost.  It was that good.

For the last 2 days, Alzheimer's has reared it's ugly head and made it's presence known to me once again.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning to find husband not in his bed.  I yelled his name.  Luckily, he answered.  I asked him where he was and he said, "I'm trying to get out."  Jumping out of bed, I ran to the front door.  Not there.  Hearing a noise from the bathroom, I found him there, staring into the mirror.  He was trying to crawl through the mirror to "get out."

My heart sank.  Just when I was beginning to relax too.  Just when I was beginning to enjoy life, just a little.  Just when I felt a little happiness as well.  Throw in a little hope while you're at it.

My 3 week stay has ended.  It was nice while it lasted.  Now, it's time to get to the business of  Alzheimer's.  I feel like a fool, having a little ray of sunshine for the last few weeks.  Who was I kidding?

The beast is back.  And, I didn't miss you!!

Good Day

I watch House Hunters on HGTV a lot.  I love to guess which house they will choose.  Mostly, I am always interested in how much money they have set aside for a house.  Most times, they always go over budget, but, as they explain, the house was so worth it.

Before we moved to Colorado, I too set a budget on housing.  The original apartment was right at my budget, in fact, a little under.  Well, we all know how that turned out. 

When we drove up into this apartment complex, I thought, "Oh dear, this will certainly blow my budget."  While it is more expensive to live here, it's so worth it.  And yes, I did go over budget.  By $50.  But, looking around yesterday, at my apartment, the spaciousness of the apartment, the fireplace,  the view, (oh, that view) the grounds and the general feeling of actually living here, I thought to myself, yes, it was worth it.

I've had time to do my budget over, and found I can still afford to live here.  I surprised myself that I didn't have to go so cheap.  Sometimes, cheap isn't always better.

My drunk neighbors (as I've called them) are actually very nice people.  They just love the spirits more than the average person.  The husband works nights and sleeps all day.  The wife putters around her patio, tending to her flowers.  I was taking boxes to the recycle bin yesterday afternoon with my dog in tow.  Sam (the wife) was tending to her beautiful flowers and asked if I needed any help.  I said no, but, thanked her.  she said, "Well, anytime you need help, I'm right across the hallway."  I think she realized she had overstepped her boundaries.  But, she is nice.

Later, while taking the dog out for a walk, I met my upstairs neighbor.  She is very sweet.  She had her brand new puppy outside and she introduced herself.  She works nights.  Her husband is deployed overseas.  She said he comes home finally in November.  Said it has been a long 15 months.

There are a lot of military living here.  We are about 1/4 of a mile from Ft Carson and just down the street from Gate 3 to the base.  Most mornings, you will see men in uniform leaving for the base.

The apartment is coming together.  There is still organizing and finalizing of where I want my stuff to go, but, it's looking more and more like home.

Husband has been good.  For the most part.  He is in a constant state of confusion, but, happy in his own world.  Wherever he has gone to in his mind, at least he is happy.

His eyesight continues to decline.  It's been more present than in the past.  He will ask me where the dog is, when in fact, the dog is right on my lap.  He will come outside and ask me if he is outside.  He will sit in the living room and ask me if he is in the living room.  When he gets to the bathroom, he will ask me if he's in the right room to use the toilet.

But, he's happy. 

Me?  I'm doing OK.  Worn out from the move, but, OK.  For once, I didn't wake up at the crack of dawn.  I slept until 7 AM.

Off to a good start already this morning.

And, a good day to everyone out there!!       

Moving Part II

Manitou Springs is a magical place.  Just 20 minutes outside the Springs.  As tired as we all were, it was so worth it.  We talked so much, sitting around the table.  Manitou is one of the places that he original hippies came to in the 60's.  And, they are still there.  Wonderful, friendly and oh so interesting.  Walking, people look at you, smile, comment about the weather, what color shirt you are wearing, just about anything to strike up a conversation.

Our dinner was great.  I was looking forward to getting back to the apartment and having a nice hot shower, enjoying some cable TV and falling into my bed that had been sitting in a U-Haul truck for 2 weeks.

Luckily, the lady neighbor was asleep by the time we got back here.  She lives across the outside hall from us.  She did however, knock on our door yesterday, asking me if I wanted her to take the empty boxes I had set outside to the recycle bin.  I thanked her and she took them.  I'll be friendly, but, that's about it.  I hear from maintenance that she really is a lovely woman, just loves her beer.  Just a tad bit more than others.

Sunday was spent unpacking.  I am taking it easy this time.  My back really hurts.

This apartment is very spacious.  The other apartment in ABQ was so small, I didn't realize just how small it was until we moved here.  I have cupboards and drawers galore.  Space, space and more space.

Our patio and living room windows look out onto the grounds, trees, and the beautiful Cheyenne Mountains.  It's lovely.

The weather here in Colorado is so different from Albuquerque.  While it's still hot, the air is refreshing.  By 6 or 7 PM, it has cooled off and mornings are downright chilly.  Yesterday, I noticed the tops of the trees are beginning to turn a little yellow. 

Husband has been adjusting well.  Is sleeping good at night, but, gets confused as to where the bedroom or bathroom is.  His TV is set up along with his hospital bed, but, he prefers to sit out in the living room and look out the windows or just want to talk,

As I was sitting outside last night, I thought, "OK, you did what was asked of you.  You brought your husband here to die.  Are you ready for it?"

The answer to that is simple.  No.

Who is ever ready for something like that?

Deep in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing.  It's just that dying part I can't exactly wrap my head around this time.

I'll get there.  I just need time.

The Move Part I

If I ever, I mean, ever decide to move again, someone, anyone, please reach through cyber space and slap the snot out of me. 

But, it's done.  The kitchen is mostly unpacked.  The living room is in reasonable shape.  The bedroom, ditto.  Dining room, still have to put up the table and chairs.  Bathroom is in an ok state.  Got the patio all set up.

It's beginning to look like a very nice apartment.  I like it here.  But, there's always something funny that happens to me.  Always.

We met our neighbors early Saturday morning.  I had to be here for the cable guy between 8 AM and 10 AM.  I couldn't get the keys until 9 AM, so, for once, I was hoping the cable guy would come a little late. 

They seemed nice, but, I noticed the lady had the gift of gab.  She offered to use her pool key so husband could sit down on a lounge chair, which I gladly took her up on.  Then, I noticed that the husband was drinking something out of a can.  Yes, it was beer, at 8 AM.  Oh well, I thought to myself, to each his own.  She then proceeds to tell me that she gave up driving for drinking.  I couldn't believe she was telling me, a perfect stranger, her life story.  I kept telling myself that maybe she was lonely, needing someone to talk to.

As the unloading began, and the cable guy was here, this lady kept wandering into my apartment, talking and talking, making comments about how nice a TV I had,  looking in boxes and talking some more.  I was trying my best to ignore her, asking her if she could please get out of the way, as we were busy.  She would leave, and re-appear throughout.

I was settling my patio furniture on the patio and suddenly, there she was, again.  Now, our patio is private, so she had to walk through the apartment to get on to the patio.  Everyone was at the truck, except for husband and myself.  She came through the patio door and said, "I thought I saw wicker furniture.  My, that's nice."  I very politely, but, sternly told her to please leave.

When we were done and Justin had set all the TV's, sound system and DVD player up, he and Anne wanted to take us to Manitou Springs for dinner.  As we were leaving, Tish was guiding husband in his wheelchair, coaxing him to sit down.  Out of nowhere,  here comes this lady, by then, with a few under her belt.  She decides she's going to guide husband in his chair.  As she is doing so, she says, "Now, I'm going to hug you, I don't care what your wife thinks, I can hug you all I want.  Oh my, your skin is so nice and soft."

Before Tish or I had time to react, husband pushed her off of him and snarled at her, "Get your damn hands off of me, lady."  She says, "Wow, I was only trying to help, but it looks like you are a very independent man."  She then came up to me and I told her we do not need her help, thank you, but, no thank you.

As we wheeled husband to Tish's van, there were a number of young guys at the BBQ pool area.  One of them ran up and said, "I'm so sorry about that lady here, let me help you."

Once we got in the van an as we were driving out, I looked at Tish and said, "Why, oh why, do drunks always come to me?"  And then, we began to laugh.  Hard, deep, totally exhausted laughs.

I haven't seen this lady since.  Hopefully, she got the message. 

Stay tuned.

Reality Checkbut,

Only two more days until we move into our new apartment.  While I am excited, I'm also not looking forward to the work involved.  Oh well, I signed a 13 month lease, so, looks like I"ll be there for awhile.  Will unpack everything this time.

Husband has been doing fine.  He has slept good through the night and takes naps during the day.  I know he misses his TV, even though he doesn't understand much of what he's watching anymore.  I miss my cable!

Tish and Jace do not have cable.  And, they have no plans to get cable.  We joke back and forth about it.  Am looking forward to Saturday and cable TV.

Living here on base is so interesting.  Every morning, you hear bugle sounds.  If there is a thunder storm upon us, warning sirens will go off and an announcer will tell you about the dangerous lightening.  At 10 PM, Taps will play.  I hear it as I am going to sleep.  Such a haunting sound.

I am adjusting.  I can't say I love it here, nor can I say I don't like it here.  Once we get in our own place, ask me then.

I did not move here because I was so in love with Colorado Springs.  While it is beautiful here,  and the people I've met so far have been wonderful, the traffic is not as bad as Albuquerque, cost of living is comparable to ABQ,  I do love the weather, but no, that is not the reason I moved here.

I brought my husband here to die.  Maybe that's why I don't go around chanting, "Oh, I love it, I love it".

And, that's the reality of it all.

Dancing Butterflies

Can the days go by any slower?  I am so anxious to get into our new apartment.  I want my routine back.  My furniture.  Our beds.  Our everything.

Staying here with Tish & Jace is great.  I just miss having my routine and the quiet of it all.  It's time to get back our life, and what I'm dealing with.

Husband is holding steady.  There have been many hallucinations.  It's something I deal with.  I don't like them, and always get a little uneasy with them, but, as usual, I deal with them.

He woke up in the middle of the night last night.  He didn't know where he was at.  I got him settled back down and he did something that touched my heart.  As I was fixing the blanket, he reached out and touched my knee.  I looked at him.  He had the saddest look in his eyes.  I asked him if he was OK.  His response? 

"I'm so sorry", he said.  Man, did ya have to say that?  I said nothing.

Got husband settled back down, he fell asleep almost immediately.  I sat here in the dark and began to think of when he's gone.  Those middle of the nights thoughts are not good for me.  I imagine people sleeping soundly, tucked in their beds.  It's dark and quiet.  Not good for my health.

I bought a Bistro Dining Set last week for our new dining room.  It has two chairs.  The chairs are high, easier for husband to sit on.  It's really pretty. 

As I sat here early this morning, I imagined me sitting at this dining room set.  In my mind, I could not picture husband sitting across from me. 

I have been emotional lately.  I called my Mom yesterday.  I got so emotional over that.  I suppose it's the finality of it all.  Bringing husband here so he can die.  Kinda hits me in the gut now and then.

Sitting outside yesterday afternoon, a Monarch butterfly kept flying over my head.  I would look up, and it looked like this butterfly was dancing in the air over me.  It would dart out, only to come back and hover above me.  It was comforting in a way.  Scary, but, comforting.

I hope to be posting more positive posts once we get settled.  It's just right now, the reality of it all has finally sunk in and I am having a hard time with it.  Lately, there is a lump in my throat that won't go away.  I am trying hard to shake it.

So, 4 more days to go and I can get settled.  I hope this dark cloud lifts soon.  I don't like being this way.   I need to stay positive for husband.  For me.

No place to go but up?  Right?

Waiting

And so, we wait until next Saturday when we move into this new apartment.  There are stipulations in order to get into these apartments.  They are very strict in their rules and regulations.

Our water, trash and sewer is billed to you along with your rent.  You have to get the power through Colorado Electric Company and then, before you move in, provide them with proof that you did so.

If you have a pet, you have to provide them with a certificate of health with a vet, also proving that you are saying you have this kind of dog when in fact, you have another.  My little baby dog is going to the vet today to get just that. 

There are some breed of dogs they do not allow.  Luckily, my dog is an 8lb Maltese, so, he qualifies.

Renters Insurance.  Still have to get that.  I had it at the old complex, but, they do not cover this region.

Oh yes, then there's the credit check.  I passed that one as well as a background check.  Seems like a lot, but, just knowing that everyone who lives there are decent people, is enough for me. Not like the old apt in Albuquerque.  After living there for a couple of months, I found out, they'll rent to anyone.

This new apartment is nestled in the foothills of the Cheyenne mountains.  A shopping center is about a 45 second drive there.  I could walk. 

So, I wait.

Our whole life is in a U-Haul truck, parked here on base at Ft Carson.  Waiting as well.

Husband is doing well.  He loves to be taken outside and look at his surroundings.  I asked him the other day, "So, was all this worth it?  The crappy apartment we almost took, the stress in finding another one, the everything?"

He glanced around, looked at the mountains, smiled and said, "Oh yes."

So, if it's good for him, then it's good for me.

Amen.

Part II

Once I got inside this unit, the feeling of dread was overwhelming.   The first thing was the smell of smoke from the burned out unit next door.  I mentioned it to the Property Mgr.  She told me she didn't smell any smoke.  Funny, Tish and I were overcome by it.

It was small, but, then again, I knew that.  Went into the bedroom and was shocked by how small it was.  I had been reassured by Brad that it would fit a hospital bed and a queen size bed.  Yeah, maybe in their eyes, but, honestly, that room was so small, a queen bed could not fit in there.

I had been told that there was a walk in closet where I could fit our two dressers.  When I asked her where the walk in was, she said there was no walk in.

That did it.  I was so over all this mess.  On the way back to the office I told Tish, "There is no way I am going to bring Dad here.  I am done with this place."

Got back in her office and told her, "I would like the money orders back, please.  I was lied to by your Brad, and do not appreciate being tricked into this.  I came up here at my husband's request, his dying wish and I am treated like this?  I know this is not your fault, but, maybe you need to think about who you have working for you."  With that, I gathered up my money orders and walked out.

I was beside myself with Tish trying to calm me and soothe me.  I was having none of it.

I looked across the street at these other apartments.  I told Tish, "Go in there."  I had viewed these online back in Albuquerque, but, they were a little more in price and wanted to get as cheap as I could.  Trust me, cheap isn't always best.

As soon as I walked in, that nagging feeling of dread left.  I told them my story, they said they were shocked, but, not surprised.  I asked them if they could restore my faith in Colorado, because by this time, I was so over Colorado.

To make a long story short, I not only found a fantastic apartment, they put me in a Handicap Unit with no extra cost to me.  Usually, those are more expensive.

The apartment is much bigger than the one in Albuquerque, faces the Cheyenne Mountains, has a wood burning fireplace and a real dining room.  All the doors are extra wide, the bathroom has bars by the toilet and in the bathtub.  Oh yes, they have a walk in closet that's a real walk in closet!!  Be still my heart.

As I left yesterday after doing the final paperwork, I felt so good about this decision.  This is the place to live, I thought.  This is right.

We move in next Saturday, the 24th.

Through all of this, husband has been a real trooper.  He loves it here.  I like it, and will get over the first couple of rough days, but, if husband is happy, well, then so am I.

Oh, just a side note about this new apartment complex.  Yesterday, they assigned a parking space for me.  After doing so, the Mgr came out of her office and said, "We will be turning your parking space into a Handicapped Parking Only." 

I thought about all of this last night.  Yes, it was the right thing to do to come up here, but, sometimes, in order to get what is right, you gotta go through some kind of hell.

Colorado, my faith has been restored.

The move to Colorado: Part I

Well, here goes. 

The move went smoothly, the drive up here even smoother.  Everything was coming up roses.  Until, yesterday.

Tish had taken me by the new apartment, Sunday afternoon.  It was then I got an uneasy feeling.  I tried as hard as I could to shake that feeling.

I had been waiting for 3 weeks for this guy at the new apartment to email me the total of what I was to pay once we arrived.  Never did get that email.

So, we went to the apartment yesterday morning.  We drove by the new apartment and I told Tish to stop so I could get out and look at it.  As I walked up, that uneasy feeling came over me.  Looked over the wall into the patio, saw nothing but trash.  Got to the front door, peeked in through a broken blind and lo and behold, all I could see were cases of beer.

Once I got to the office, I asked for Brad.  They told me he was off on Monday's.  Lovely.  I told the Property Manager my name and told her what I had found at my "new" apartment and she assured me the apartment would be ready by Wednesday. She gave me the total price to move in and promised me all would be well. 

We had other errands to run and all the while that uneasy feeling kept creeping up.

Got my money orders for the move in price and off we went to the apartment.  As I walked in, I felt like running out and never coming back to that place.

Went in anyways and the manager was waiting for me.  She then said, "Did Brad also tell you that we changed your apartment and building?"

Wait.  What?

Now, before we left Albuquerque, I had done a change of address for the "new" apartment.  That was my first thought.  The second thought was, "Run, baby, run".

After I recovered from that one, she said we would be able to view my "real" apartment.  As we walked up to this unit, there was yellow tape across my unit extending to the unit next door.

The manage turned to me and said, "Now, don't panic, but, the unit next to you caught fire, but, rest assured, your unit was not damaged and all is well."

After picking my jaw up from the ground, I, like a fool, followed her into this unit.

Stay tuned.  Trust me, there's more to come.

This is it!! (No, not the Michael Jackson Tour)

Well, this is it.  My last post before Colorado.  House is packed, food is gone.  Now all I have to do is take the cable equipment in this morning and I'm done.  That's it.  So much work.  Picking the truck up tomorrow morning, loading up, going to hotel for Saturday night and hitting the road early Sunday morning.

Last night, as I was sitting in my recliner, I got to looking around the living room and dining room.  My whole life, packed in boxes.  Looked down the hall towards the bedroom.  Husband, fast asleep, mouth wide open.  Little gasps here and there for breath. 

What happened to us?, I thought.  Where did our life go?  How did it all come to this? 

"I'm taking my husband to Colorado so he can die",  I said out loud, maybe saying it out loud sounded better than my thoughts?

I don't know.

So many thoughts lately.  Neighbors coming to see me, telling me how much they are going to miss me, how they so enjoyed having me as a neighbor.

Bittersweet.

On the one hand, I am glad to be leaving New Mexico for good.  On the other hand, I know what this move means to husband and know that it will lead to his death.  And, leave me a Widow.  Alone.

A door is closing here.  For good.  A new life awaits me in Colorado.

I will try and post Sunday or Monday. 

Until then..................................................

Peace

Oh, how I wish it were next week this time.  The move would be done and all I would need to do is unpack.  If it were that easy.

Most of yesterday was spent getting my new driving glasses (the old ones were falling apart and every time I bent my head, they would fall off) and getting a new windshield for my car.  I can happily report, my new glasses are great and the windshield is in.

As I was waiting for the windshield, I was sitting in the lobby and the girl had gone to lunch so, the owner had to cover phones and walk ins.   A customer had walked in and they began to talk.  I took it from the conversation that he was not only a repeat customer, but friend as well.

This man asked how his dad was doing.  The owner said, "Well, as good as can be expected."  The man asked, "Is your mom caring for him?"  "Yes", said the owner, "But, this has been pretty hard on her."  The man replied, "Well, I've heard that caring for a person affected by Alzheimer's is pretty bad." 

After this customer left, the owner asked me where I was moving to.  I told him.  Then, I asked if his dad had Alzheimer's.  He said yes, he does.  I then explained that my husband has Alzheimer's, only a very rare form of it, lasting only a few short years before the end comes.  We had such a great conversation.  He was such a nice guy.  He told me that his dad can still walk, his legs are not affected, yet.  But, his dad does not know much anymore.  I told him about husband and what he can and cannot do now.

The owner was so interested in what I had to say.  Said he had never heard of husband's type of Alzheimer's.

Right before my car was ready, he said, "Are you going to wait until he passes to move to Colorado?"

"No, he wants to go to Colorado to die."

I didn't mean to make this grown man cry, but, he did.  At the counter, in front of customers, in front of his employees and in front of me.

I assured him it was going to be OK, I was doing what he wanted and I have peace about it all.

As I left, he said, "Peace be with you and your husband."

Yes, Peace.  It will follow me to Colorado.

Bolted bed

My back hurts.  My neck hurts.  My shoulders hurt.  The house is packed.  Complete.  Boxes stacked in the dining room.  The only thing left now is cleaning out the fridge and freezer.  Have to give food away to the neighbor.  Taking all the cable equipment to cable on Friday.  That means no TV Friday night.  Don't care, will be too tired to even watch TV.

This has been hard.  But, will be worth it in the end, I keep telling myself.

Husband has been in a good mood.  He sits on his bed or wheelchair and watches me.  He will ask questions all day, but, for the most part, he is excited to go.  I would be too if I didn't have to do this alone.

I ran an errand in the afternoon yesterday.  When I got back, husband was standing in the hallway, holding onto the walls.  He didn't say "hi", instead, he looked at me and asked, "How old am I?"  I told him "48",  "really?  I'm 48?".  "Yes, you're 48".  "I didn't know I was 48, that's old, isn't it?"  "No, it's not old,"  I said.  And that was the end of that conversation.

It's like that around here nowadays.  He asks the craziest questions and is OK with my answers.  Usually.

Last night, he found me in the kitchen.  He asked me to come to the bedroom, we have a problem.  Now, being that the bedroom is totally packed, with only 2 beds and a TV in there, I was curious.

The "problem" was, at it turned out was, according to him, his hospital bed was bolted to the floor.  How in the world were we going to get it un bolted?  Oh dear, I thought, here we go.  He would not believe me that the bed was not bolted.  I took him in the room and moved the hospital bed sideways, showing him that there were no bolts.  "Oh, I saw the bolts earlier today, did you take them off?"  To avoid any more confusion, I just said, "Yeah, I did"  "Good", was his reply.

Hey, it beats the alternative.

I will try to post tomorrow and Friday morning.  I will be cut off from communication until probably Sunday, when we get to Tish's house.  Cable will be turned on at the new apartment next Wednesday. 

Boy, what an adventure this has been.  This is going to be a whole new start, a whole new life.  Part of me is excited, while the other part is a little nervous. 

I'm taking my husband to die in Colorado.  His decision, his wish. 

And, I will honor it.

Doggie in a shoping cart!!

I took husband to one of his favorite stores yesterday.  Right in the middle of organizing, packing and cleaning the oven.  He had been asking for days to go three.  It's a tool store, (as if he needs tools).  He kept saying he wanted to get a box to store stuff.  Now, he has so many of these boxes it's ridiculous, but, I promised him I would take him.

I never leave my dog alone.  If we need to go somewhere, a neighbor will watch him.  I know, I know, don't judge, he's spoiled rotten.  Unfortunately, my neighbor was at work, so, when we got to the store, I just put the dog in a shopping cart and off we went into the store.  No one said a word about the dog, but, did comment on how cute he is.

After strolling the isles, we found the storage boxes.  Husband could not make up his mind.  The salesman asked me, quietly, "Did he have a bad accident?"  "No", I said.  "He has Alzheimer's".

That poor guy.  He looked shocked.  Then said, "But, he's so young."  "Yes, he is, to have Alzheimer's.  It's very rare and genetic related," was my reply.  "He doesn't have long, does he?"

No, he doesn't.

A few hours after we got home, there I am, knee deep in oven cleaning and husband comes to the kitchen to tell med he made a mistake in buying the boxes, he wants me to take him back so I can return them.  When it told him, "Absolutely not!!!!", well, he got a little angry at me.  Said we will do that one day this week. 

He was not happy about that, but, rested and seemed OK after awhile.  I, on the other hand, kept cleaning the oven, but,( here I go again), got to thinking.

People can tell husband doesn't have long.  Wow, I thought, not only can I see it, but, others as well.

What is so interesting now, is, you can talk about him right in front of him, like we did at the store, and he doesn't even know you're talking about him.

It's that bad now.

Miscellaneous

Why, lucky you. Just imagine, 2 posts in 2 days.  Wow.  Go me.

Update on husband:  He seems OK, quite excited for Colorado, still in his own world most of the time.  He drools, stares at nothing, loves to sit outside and that's about it. 

I got home from the store the other day and, as I walked in, husband said, "I don't know my Social Security number anymore."  He looked so sad, so, to cheer him up, I said, "Well,  I do!!!!"  He smiled at that.

He has been sleeping through the night, which is good.  I am sleeping good too.  Still wake up early, but, I like that early morning freshness. 

His appetite is not what it used to be.  I have had to cut down on his portions.  Most of the time, he will leave food still on his plate, even when I just give him a little food.  Just making sure he gets a well balanced meal.

As far as memory goes, well, it's to be expected.  He really doesn't retain anything.  He will look at me when I am talking, but, his eyes become so round and large listening to me, that I hate looking at him.  In the next moment, he will not even know I had spoken to him.

He thinks I don't know how to pack, organize or load a truck.  This drives me nuts.  I constantly tell him I know how to do this, but, he doesn't understand.  I'll be doing something and he will tell me how worried he is that I don't know what I'm doing.  Gritting my teeth, I'll tell him that this isn't my first move, I know what I'm doing.  Doesn't do any good though, he doesn't understand what I'm telling him.

My next door neighbor lost his mother to Alzheimer's the other day.  He is beside himself in grief.  I bought him some beautiful flowers and a card yesterday.  As I set the flowers down on his table, I noticed he had his mom's picture out.  This woman, once so full of life, so beautiful in her younger days, stared back at me.  I stared into her eyes.  Haunting.  I arranged the flowers next to his mother, gave him a big hug and left. 

This morning, as I went outside, there on my outdoor table was an envelope.  It was a thank you card from my neighbor.

We have a bond, this neighbor/friend of mine. 

Nothing has to be said.  We know it will strike my house next. 

Excuses, excuses

I am so sorry for the lack in posts.  I have been so busy, that my mornings start out with a bang and it's on from there.

I went for my last appointment with my Dr on Tuesday.  He is so wonderful,  I'm really going to miss him.  He told me I look great and all labs are perfect.  Blood pressure is normal.  Said in general, I'm in excellent shape.  I made a joke and said, "Yeah, but what about my head?"  We had a good laugh over that.

Good news.  My son, Tyler will be driving the moving truck up to the Springs.  Yay.  We were originally planning on going up on the 10th of August, but, Tyler is off on Sunday and Monday, so, we leave a week from this coming Sunday.

My new apartment will not be ready until the 14th, so, we are going to stay with Tish and the family.  Alright by me.  Their new house is a 2 story, so, husband and I will sleep on the couch downstairs.  It's like a sectional with a lounger at the end.  Perfect for the two of us.

Father in law took husband with him yesterday for the whole day.  Once they were gone, I dug into the hall closet, packing.

I went to the store and got paper plates, bowls and cups.  Dishes will be packed today.  I have to use up the food we have.  So much planning.

I will try and post daily, but, can't promise anything.  I don't know when my internet will be up at the new place.  Have to call today and get on the schedule.  At least I will be able to have internet at Tish's house.

So, countdown to next week.  It's on.