Then & now

Yesterday was one of those days that tested me beyond my limitations.

Husband woke up in one of the most confused states I have ever seen.  His speech was slurred, he asked the same questions so many times, that, by evening, I was a complete mess.  I was so glad to see him finally asleep.  It was a pure test of my patience for sure.

In the middle of the night I woke up to hear him chuckling and talking to one of his" visitors."  That is one of the strangest things.  It's so quiet, that middle of the night, and to hear your husband talking with someone(?)  makes it even all the more strange.

This morning seems no different.  I happened to walk in the bedroom to see him getting into his medication, a pill he takes only at night.  He said he forgot to take it last night and was going to take it this morning.  I took the bottle away from him and told him it's only for nighttime.  Of course, he thought I was just being mean to him.  I have to find a safe place for his medication now.

When does this nightmare end?

And to think this is going to get worse?

His visit with Dr A is Monday morning.  I'm sure he will not be surprised at this drastic change in husband.

In June, I had to renew my drivers license.  Yesterday, as I was going through my wallet, I found my old drivers license from just 4 years ago.  The picture that stared back at me was a smiling, seemingly happy woman.  My hair was very long at the time, it was pulled up in a fashionably bun, my eyes were even smiling.  I pulled out my current license and compared the two.  This new license picture shows a woman, no smiles, short hair now, with a look of sheer pain on her face.  The woman looking back at me tells a story.  She looks so tired.  You can see pain on her face.  She looks so sad.  Her poor face is worn.

That woman is me now.

I sat down and cried.