Just doing it

I know it's been awhile since my last post.  Just don't have much to post about anymore.

Alzheimer's continues to be the dominant force in my household.  There are no words to follow that statement.

While we will have some moments where husband is slightly in his right mind, it's only fleeting and he slips back into his quiet world.

He tells me that the dogs love to get on his bed, where they will fight for a spot on the bed, closest to him.  He says he loves it when I am getting him ready for a bath, the dogs will wrestle with him as he tries to get out of bed.  He says that one will be up at his head, one will be pulling on his arms and one will be at his feet.  He seems very happy when he tells me these stories abut the dogs.  He says the dogs love him so.  Only one problem:

We have one dog.  Not three.

As I was cleaning house yesterday, I walked into the hallway, looked into the bedroom, checking on husband.  There he was, "playing" with the dogs.  My dog was in the living room, with me.

To say that is disturbing is an understatement.

I woke up in the middle of the night the other night, to find husband standing up, holding on to his walker and asking someone(?) in a loud voice, "Can someone tell me where the bathroom is?"

He talks a lot to someone.  He will laugh with them, as if they share a secret.

I gave husband an early Christmas gift.   A new jacket.  Later, as I was taking him outside, I was putting the new jacket on him and he smiled and asked, "Is this new?  I've never seen this before."

So, if you're wondering how I am doing, please read the above paragraphs, again.

I feel as if I am operating on automatic pilot these days.  I just do and don't think about why I am doing. 

Christmas.  I don't feel great about it, nor, do I feel bad about it.  Lately, I don't think I feel much of anything anymore.   

If I had to stop and analyze my feelings, I think I will go mad.  It's better to be on automatic pilot.