Support

For those of you that have asked (thank you for the comments and concern) I do have help.

We have a Nurse that comes 3 times a week but, that will be changing to 5 times a week, due to husband's condition.  She is a great woman with compassion, but, also, has developed a bond with all of us.

My daughter, Kristen also lives with me.  She is such a great support system.  She cares for husband when she senses I have reached my limit.  She is patient, loving and kind with him.  At times, she will break down and cry at the thought of losing him, but, for the most part, she doesn't show it to husband.

My oldest daughter, Tish lives here in the Springs too.  Her husband, Jace is stationed at Ft Carson.  They come every weekend (with visits from Tish during the week) and Jace will chop wood and visit with husband.

I have a great support system, but, the every day reality of just living and caring for someone afflicted with Alzheimer's can test the best.

I don't know why God has chosen me for this journey.  I didn't think in a million years my life would be like this.  There is nothing in this world compares to this.  But, it is my life.  My reality, as crappy as it can be, My Reality.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm whining.  I hope it doesn't come across as whining.  Kind of like, "boo hoo, poor me".  It's not what I want readers to think.  It's just.................I have bad days.

I believe snow has come to the Springs with a vengeance.  It won't stop snowing.  And, cold.  It's 10 degrees right now.  Must be our high because it's afternoon now.  Brrr.

I want to say "Thank You" to the person who offered Pizza Hut.  How sweet of you.  Know what I'd like better?  Love to meet you somewhere between Denver and the Springs.  Coffee, lunch, dinner?

Thank you all for following me in this journey.  Each and every sweet comments means a lot to me.  It helps.  Maybe one day we can all meet. 

Until then, thanks for hanging with me.

Alzheimer's - Hollywood Style

I am so sorry for the lack of posts.  Life is giving me a run for my money and Alzheimer's is permeating the very air that I breathe.

Husband is not doing well at all.  He has slipped further and further away from me.  When he tries to speak, it's barely above a whisper, and pronouncing words is almost impossible for him.

He forgets everything.  Everything.  He will ask what's for dinner, I'll tell him.  He will glance around the room and ask me again.  Within 30 seconds.

Last night, I got his night diaper on him, gave him last pill for the day and tucked him into bed.  Got a fresh glass of water, sat down, picked up the TV remote and he called for me.  I went in and he asked, "Did you change me and am I ready for bed"?  Took him about 2 whole minutes to forget I had just been in there.

The other night, while eating dinner, he turned to the wall and said, "Do you like it?  It's good, isn't it"?  Now, let me clarify something.  When he talks to "the visitors", his voice and speech is clear and normal.  It's almost a haunting sound.  Not of this world.

I'm just........done with it all.

For some reason, I am missing my Mom.  The ache I feel inside can really get to me.  It will be 1 year on the 30th of March.  Why all of a sudden now?

Sometimes it's just all too much for me to handle.

I know it's time to place him in a home, but, if I do, I lose his Social Security.  I can't live without that money.  So, I've picked my poison.

I was talking with an old childhood friend yesterday.  She told me how often she thinks of me and cannot even process what I am going through.  She said she has tried to imagine her husband with Alzheimer's, and said its just too painful to even fathom what it's like.

Yes, I know.

There is a movie out and Julienne Moore just won an Oscar for her part playing a woman who is diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's.  I have the book.  It's called Still Alice.

Now, first of all, everyone is raving about this actress and the movie.  I have seen the trailers for this movie.  It's all bunk, I tell ya.

You want to come to my home and see it live and in person?  Or, go to the movies and see a make believe story about someone afflicted with this monster? 

Yea, what they should've named the movie is "Alzheimer's - Hollywood Style".

Yes, life is grabbing me and shaking me to my core right now.  I'll be OK, it's just this rocky road right now is tough.

Hang in there with me ya'll.  No place to go but up.