Plan B

After 2 weeks of complete meltdowns, exhaustion and heartache so intense I thought I would lose it, and, praying without ceasing, I made the decision to place husband.

Thus began a quest to find the "perfect place".

Now?  I got my answer a week ago, last Friday.

Dr D's assistant found a place.  She said the director was concerned about husband's long-term coverage.  So, I called the insurance myself, to get a definite answer.

Of course I was misinformed.  Then, it was explained to me that husband does in fact have long term coverage, however, (here it comes) they pay for 100 days, then we have to re-certify him for another 100 days.  It takes 60 days for re-certification.  They told me I had choices.  The 1st choice would be to take him home for the 60 days,(yeah, I almost gagged on that one) then hopefully(?) place him again if there was availability.  The other choice was to go on private pay.  For 60 days.

How much would it cost me for 60 days, you ask?

$6,240.00.  PER MONTH.

Once I picked myself up off of the ground, I, and not too politely, thanked her for nothing and hung up.

I must of sat outside for 30 minutes.  Staring.  Listening to birds, watching a plane pass overhead, car door slamming, when husband called me in.

As I was changing his diaper, he said, clear as a bell, "Are you gonna put me in a home?"

How he knew, I will never know.  I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "No".

He was quiet for a moment. Then, once again, clear as a bell, "Oh I would die."

This is where Plan B comes into play.  Trouble is, I don't have a Plan B thought out.

I did go to an Alzheimer's Support Group Thursday.  Plan B?  Maybe.

So, I'm on my own.  Again.  I do get angry at times about all the agonizing I did in making the decision, only to be misinformed by someone who could not take the time to give me the correct information I requested. 

Hey, life is not fair.  But this is taking it a little too far in my estimation.

I have moments of pure defeat.  I am so over all of this. 

I am trying not to become bitter.  I have asked God for strength.  If He says I can do this til the end, then so be it. 

But, that's my prayer.  Strength.

In His Time

Finding a place for your loved one is not as easy as it sounds.  There are many steps in doing so.

Making the decision took me about 2 weeks and to come to terms with the most difficult decision I have ever made.

Once the decision was made, I started making phone calls.  How hard could that be, I thought to myself?  Not so easy.  I can sum it up in two words:

Waiting List.

I took husband to his Primary last week.  Dr D was pleased with my decision.  Once he found out I was trying to do this on my own, he put me in touch with his assistant.  She said she would do the leg work for me.

This morning, sitting outside with my espresso, I began to pray.  As of today, I have given it over to God.  I know God will make a place for husband happen, and, it will be the best place.

Since then, I have a peaceful feeling, knowing He is in control and it will happen in His Time.

And, I'm OK with that.

Husband is not in a good place these last few days.  He has been fixated on his wallet, with money in it.  He will take the wallet out of his dresser and stare at the wallet for a good 15 minutes.  He will then ask me to open it and count it for him.  After I do, I put his wallet back in his drawer and tell him to leave it alone. 

Then, I watch him sit on his bed, wringing his hands.  After about 5 minutes, he's back at it with the wallet.  This goes on most of the day.

He asked me yesterday how he would go about turning the money into "real money".  Keeps me on my toes.

Thank you all for your prayers.  My prayer is that God be in control.  He promises that if you come to Him with your burden and heavy laden, He will give you rest. 

It will happen.  In His Time.