Plan B

After 2 weeks of complete meltdowns, exhaustion and heartache so intense I thought I would lose it, and, praying without ceasing, I made the decision to place husband.

Thus began a quest to find the "perfect place".

Now?  I got my answer a week ago, last Friday.

Dr D's assistant found a place.  She said the director was concerned about husband's long-term coverage.  So, I called the insurance myself, to get a definite answer.

Of course I was misinformed.  Then, it was explained to me that husband does in fact have long term coverage, however, (here it comes) they pay for 100 days, then we have to re-certify him for another 100 days.  It takes 60 days for re-certification.  They told me I had choices.  The 1st choice would be to take him home for the 60 days,(yeah, I almost gagged on that one) then hopefully(?) place him again if there was availability.  The other choice was to go on private pay.  For 60 days.

How much would it cost me for 60 days, you ask?

$6,240.00.  PER MONTH.

Once I picked myself up off of the ground, I, and not too politely, thanked her for nothing and hung up.

I must of sat outside for 30 minutes.  Staring.  Listening to birds, watching a plane pass overhead, car door slamming, when husband called me in.

As I was changing his diaper, he said, clear as a bell, "Are you gonna put me in a home?"

How he knew, I will never know.  I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "No".

He was quiet for a moment. Then, once again, clear as a bell, "Oh I would die."

This is where Plan B comes into play.  Trouble is, I don't have a Plan B thought out.

I did go to an Alzheimer's Support Group Thursday.  Plan B?  Maybe.

So, I'm on my own.  Again.  I do get angry at times about all the agonizing I did in making the decision, only to be misinformed by someone who could not take the time to give me the correct information I requested. 

Hey, life is not fair.  But this is taking it a little too far in my estimation.

I have moments of pure defeat.  I am so over all of this. 

I am trying not to become bitter.  I have asked God for strength.  If He says I can do this til the end, then so be it. 

But, that's my prayer.  Strength.