Six months ago today, my husband took his last breath and passed. I was right by his side.
When I close my eyes at night, that image always comes to me. It is burned in my brain.
As we get closer to the new year, I am anxious for 2015 to be over. Heck, nowadays, I'm anxious about everything. Comes with the territory, I guess.
I forgot to mention in my last post that I did find a smaller, cheaper apartment. I like it.
In February, my daughter and I are going to take a road trip down to Albuquerque. Get away, maybe do a Casino or two and try to relax. I am actually feeling good about this road trip.
I am in the process of trying to get this blog published. Anyone know of a reputable publishing company, where I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for publishing? I feel it may be a good start. I have not worked on the book. It's hard for me to concentrate lately.
Some days, I feel so out of whack and others, not so bad. Today, I am out of whack. Probably why I am posting. I find myself wandering the apartment, frustrated and feeling desperate at times.
The church I have been attending is starting a new Grief Share the end of January. I think I will be the first one to sign up. I really, really, need something.
I've thought of going back to work part time, but, don't know if I could deal with it. Not after what I've been through. Sometimes, the idea of working appeals to me, other times, not so much. See what I mean about floundering?
Today, I am re-living husband's last hours and reflecting on the last year. Hard to tell your mind to stop it when you fall back, look at the clock and think back to what I was doing this time, 6 months ago today. Ugh. This grief can do some pretty crappy things, especially when you least expect it.
Here's to a new year. A new beginning, I pray. A new life. A better life for me.
Thank you for sharing...grief is such a difficult thing to learn to live with. It never goes away, but it does change over time... I hope that you find the Grief Share group to be very beneficial...I've heard others speak highly of the group. Lastly, I will pray God gives you wisdom and leads you to the right way to proceed with publishing your blog. I'm also glad for your chance to enjoy a road trip with your daughter. Blessings to you in this new year. You've shared so much of your heart & grief while caring for your dear husband, perhaps in time you'll find it helpful to continue journaling or blogging as you process your thoughts and grief from this point on. Thank you again for sharing how you are doing. I think of you and often check in just in case you've posted an update!
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