What am I at?

After I posted my post yesterday morning, I went and looked up the 7 Stages of Alzheimer's.  After reading it, (again) I have come to the conclusion that husband falls in the category Stage 6.   Although, he does fall in the 7th Stage as well.  Some characteristics are present.  Don't know which way to turn on that one.

I realized that I have had to assist him in dressing for at least a month.  It just never dawned on me before.  I could not get through to him yesterday morning on how to put his shorts on.  He could not understand me.  After a few times of him pulling them off and putting them back on the wrong way,  I had to physically put them on for him.   After I was done with that, he asked me to check and make sure his shirt was on right.  Ugh.

Last week, I gave him a pair of socks to put on.  He looked at them as if they were a foreign object.  I had to put those on for him.

He was putting a new roll of toilet paper on the roll.  Well, one side of the roll shot off, he said.  I went into the bedroom to see about that and there he was, with his flashlight, looking under the bed.  I asked him if he was putting the toilet paper in the bedroom.  He said no, in the bathroom.  I asked why then, was he looking under the bed.  He told me that it could of shot off under the bed.  Our master bath is not that far from the bed, however,  there is no way it would shoot under our bed.  We did find it, in the bathroom and all was well.

In describing the 6th and final 7th Stage it said that "Patient will become delusional".  That one struck home more than any of the other "symptoms".

I want Dr A to give me a timeline on how much time we have left.  I say less than a year.  But, I'm not the expert.  Dr A is.

I wonder.  What category do I fall under?

Finding Me

Our monsoons have arrived.  While I love a good old fashioned thunder and lightening with rain, I don't like the aftermath.  The dreaded humidity.  It's really humid this morning.  I'll take the humidity over the terrific heat wave we had for about 2 1/2 weeks.  At least it's cooler.

Husband told me yesterday that he felt weak.  Said his legs felt very weak and unstable.  He rested mostly.  Seemed to go to the bathroom more frequently than usual.  Because I am with him 24/7, I notice things most people wouldn't.  I think it comes with the territory.  You automatically look for signs and symptoms.  This frequent urination may be nothing, or, it could be something.

Jack has been working so hard in summer school.  He finished the first phase and got an A and a B.  He is on the second phase now and told me he will complete that by next week.  So far he has two A's.  I'm so proud of the way he has worked and applied himself.

Not much else going on.  Life continues with it's ups and downs.

Caring for someone who is afflicted with Alzheimer's is one roller coaster after another.  Once you think you've got it mastered, wham, you're hit with another big hill to either drop you or something you have to climb.  It's never-ending.

My old boss invited me for lunch next Saturday.  That'll be nice.  I get to talk to someone who understands everything I say and listens.  They also have "normal" eyes.  A change for me.  I'm looking forward to next Saturday.


My life in a nutshell.  Huh.  


I am planning for when husband is gone.  I know for a fact I will leave New Mexico.  There will be nothing here for me.  I don't know how I will cope with all the kids gone and no husband, but, there is a new life waiting for me.


I just have to find it.  And me.

Enough!!

A strange day, yesterday.  Husband seemed out of sorts most of the day.  Morning started off rough and ended in a very quiet night.

Husband brought me a piece of cardboard, the size of a business card.  Asked me to write our address and phone number on it.  Surprised and a little concerned, I did as he requested.  Asked him what is was for, he said that in case he ever gets lost, they would find this in his wallet.

I suggested we get one of those Medical ID bracelets, he said no.  I'm going to order one today.  It's time.

Not that he ever goes outside without me, but, still, nice to have.

Am anxious for him to see Dr A.  He will be the one to tell me just where we are at in this disease.  He's so wise.  Don't know if I mentioned, but, they have moved husband's appointment up to the 16th instead of the 25th.  Earlier the better.  He really needs to be seen.

I woke up this morning with a feeling of change in the air.  I believe I'm loosing touch with husband.  He's drifting farther and farther away from me.  There are times, when I actually look into his eyes and see no recognition of me.  The eyes look wild to me.  Wild and confused.  They dart around, trying to find something he can recognize.

He said something to me yesterday that hurt, but, in reality, was the truth, but not the way he said it.  He told me he knows I wish he would die.  Not a lie.  No, I don't sit here and think I wish he would die, not in that way.  I just wish his suffering were over with, that's all.  I could never say that to him.  He just wouldn't understand.

Jack feels the same way.  I think the other kids do too.  We see the suffering.  We see the total lack of concentration.  The total devastation.  We see him attempting to walk and it breaks our hearts watching him fall down.  There are some days it's hard to watch.  And we say to ourselves, "enough already."

Yes, enough already.  

A new kind of quiet

A very quiet 4th for us.  Made me stop and think to years past.  When the kids were little.  This 4th was very different.  A new phase in my life now.

Was able to shop for husband yesterday without him being difficult.  He behaved himself in the store and was   happy about my choices of clothes for him.   Once we got home, I went through his is dresser.  Boy, what a mess.

When I do laundry, I fold and give him his clean clothes.  He will put them away.  After going through his dresser yesterday, well, I will put his stuff away from now on.   Clothes were all jumbled together. Twisted,with other shirts, pants and socks.  Most of his shirts were thrown away.  Pants, I kept, for winter.

I organized everything for him.  I showed him where I put all his new clothes, what drawer held what.  Told him numerous times.

Later last night, I told him I was giving him a test.  Asked him what each drawer held.  He got it right!!  Course, this morning may be another story.  We'll see.

In going through his clothes, I found a pair of swimming trunks.  Then, I got an idea.  Take him swimming in the pool.  He actually wanted to go, so, off we went.  Kristen was already at the pool, working on her tan.  Husband managed to get into the pool by himself and floated for quite some time.  He loved it!!

We will go again today.  He had no trouble walking in the water.  It was nice to see him looking like just another dad at the pool.  We looked like an "almost normal" family enjoying the pool and the 4th of July.

So, being that I'm entering a new phase in my life, no more little kiddos hanging on my legs & arms, asking when can they do fireworks, no more messes, a rather quiet 4th, I can honestly say, I enjoyed it.

Times, they are a changing.  There's a change coming, I can feel it.

A new kind of quiet.  And, I'm OK with it.

The red, white & blue of it all

I have been slacking on posts because not much is going on.  Also, I'm in a funk, still.  I am hoping to come out of it soon.  There is so much to deal with.  The reality of it all has finally sunk in.

Husband has been stable for the past several days.  Way too much sleeping.  Memory issues are a constant reminder of this monster.  Cannot tell him anything anymore, as he cannot retain any memory of what you just said.

I was reading the news on my laptop yesterday morning, husband came in and was looking out the sliding door.  I asked him what he was doing.  He, at first, did not recognize me, then with a look of surprise, said, "Oh, there you are."  Now, he had to walk right by me to get to the sliding door.

Today is the 4th of July.  We will be doing, nothing.  I have to take husband and get him some T-shirts and new socks.  If I find a sale, I will get him some new shorts.  He has become quite thin, his shirts hang on him.   I'm not going all out because I can't afford it and, well, he's terminal.

I hope each and every one of you has a beautiful 4th of July.

Happy Birthday, America.

Changes, they are a coming

Low key weekend.  I got a pool key yesterday.  Called Marie, she came over with the kids.  Went to the pool.  A little crowded since it was Sunday, but, she is coming over today and we will go swimming.  Most people work during the week, so, it'll be nice with less people.

Before we went to the pool, I asked husband if he wanted to come.  Offered to help him into the pool.  He did not want to come.  I told him it might do him some good, cooling off.  He wasn't in the mood.

I got my water fountain all set up Saturday.  It is nice.  Love the sound of babbling water.  Relaxing.  I am proud of the way it all turned out.  Having trouble uploading the pictures of my patio, but, hopefully will have them up soon.

This continued heat is getting to everyone.  We have set a record every day for the last 2 weeks.  It is awful.  We have trails down by the Rio Grande River.  It goes for many miles.  There are stopping points with benches, it's really pretty.  Because of fire danger, the Bosque (the trails) is now being patrolled and you can only enter a certain time each day.  The Bosque closes at sunset.  In all the years I've lived here, I have never heard of the Bosque closing.  Scary.

And, for the first time in many, many years, I can't wait for Winter.  Yes, it's been that hot.

So, life continues on.  Alzheimer's continues to destroy my husband.   Jack has 3 weeks left of summer school, graduation, then, leaving in September.  So many changes are coming.  Life altering changes.

I realized I have choices.  I have thought nothing of those choices for some time now.  Choices that will make my life better.  Choices that will end some of my stress.

Tish and Jace will be leaving Arizona between March & June of 2013.  They don't know where they are going to be stationed yet, however, I am going with them.  Enough of this financial strain.  She has been telling me for awhile now that that's what needs to be done.  And, they want me around.

We discussed husband.  I had planned to put him in a home.  I can't just put him in a home and leave him.  Of course not, she said.  He will come with me.  But, then Tish said something that really struck home.  She said, "Mom, he won't be around by next year.  I think you know that.  We all know that.  You are coming with me and that's that."

Huh.

Their first choice is Colorado.  Second choice is California.  Third is New York.  I'm crossing my fingers for Colorado.


A new year, a new life.  For me.  A new day is coming.  It is well with my soul.     

A new Weatherman

Not much going on.  Life continues in our household.  Days seem to blend into another.  Days are going by fast for me.

Dr A's office called and wanted to re-schedule husband's appointment from the 25th to the 16th of this month.  Sooner the better for me.  Husband said he didn't want to go.  I ignored him and he settled down.  Sometimes ignoring works, sometimes, not.

Husband continues to be mostly confused.  There are fleeting moments of reality, then, his mind shuts down and off we go into the Land of Alzheimer's.  Keeps me on my toes.  I never know what to expect.  I never know where we are at in this journey.

I recently posted about this peaceful feeling I have.  I still have it, but, there is a restless side to it as well.

Husband does one thing that is both funny and endearing.  He will watch the news, doesn't understand it, but, watches it all the same.  He will tell me what the weather will be like for the next few days.  It takes him awhile to tell me the whole story.  It's like he's reciting poetry.  You can see when he speaks, that his tired brain is struggling.  His eyes get so big and round.  I mentioned before, I do not like looking at his eyes.

So, because he loves to "report" to me, I have given him the job of reporting the weather to me.  I asked him to watch the news each evening, then come and tell me what the weather will be like.  He seems to enjoy that.  It's kind of like an assignment for him.

Funny.  There is no right way or wrong way in dealing with an Alzheimer's patient.  You just do what works best for your situation.  Now that I've found a way for husband to feel "important", well, it makes him happy, so who cares if he stumbles over his words, or, forgets what the weatherman said?

I call him the Weatherman now and he loves it.

I had to go to Wal Mart yesterday afternoon.  I asked husband if he wanted to go along.  He smiled and got very excited.  I was dreading the crowds, this awful heat and husband using his walker, walking ever so slow.

Before we left, he said that he thought it would be best if he used the wheelchair.  That way, he said, he could keep up with me.

HALLELUJAH!!! 

Why, I almost heard the Angels from above singing.  Yes!

We actually had a decent time, he did keep up and was so happy about that.

As I was driving home, husband said, "You know, I may have to start using the wheelchair more.  It sure makes it easier.  I don't have to worry about falling anymore, will I?"

Nope.