Karma?

Lately, I have been thinking of this word, Karma. I had a neighbor who named her daughter Karma and I thought what a silly name, oh well, she was a silly sort of woman. That was 28 years ago and I have often thought of her and what ever became of her daughter, Karma.

I fully believe in Karma. But, there is a difference in Karma and God. God does not want any of us to suffer. When we are born, we all have paths that we choose to take. Those paths we choose to take are what makes us as human beings. Some of us choose to take a path that leads to a cold heart, some choose to take the more caring side.

Life experiences may make us bitter. I have met so many people in my path who are so bitter they make everyone around them feel bad. I have worked with people like that and they have made for a very uncomfortable work day. Just thinking about some of those people today, well, it makes me feel sad for them as they are just not happy people.

With all of my life experiences so far, I should be one of those bitter people. I have had so many challenges, so many heartaches, so many problems that alot of people could not imagine. But, because we have choices, I made the choice to look ahead, there's something better coming, keep on keeping on, things will get better and so on.

Just when I thought "finally, it's going to be ok", my husband is diagnosed with a terminal illness, cannot work anymore, what the hell are we supposed to do now, how are we going to survive, I was given a choice. I could sit here and cry, feel sorry for us, turn into a mean old lady, make everyone around me feel bad, but what good would that do? Would it cure my husband of this crappy disease? Would it make the bills go away? Would I be given free housing? Would food just magically appear on my table? Once again, here comes the crap in my face.

So, here I am, the same ole' Susie. Put your big girl pants on and keep on keeping on. It's what I do. Karma, you ask? No, I don't think so, it's something I need to learn before I leave this world. Something good will come out of this. Maybe that's why when I see people I haven't seen in awhile they are shocked to learn of Leon's illness. They say things like, "how do you do it? You'd never know by the way you act, my God, how awful for you". Awful? Yep. Sad? Hell yes. Bitter? Nope. This is my life. A life that God made for me and a life that I chose to have. So many things I have learned about myself in all of this, and I now, for the first time in my life, can honestly say, "hey, I kinda like you Susie".