A check-up for me

Rough day yesterday.  Husband was all over the place mentally.  In and out of reality.  Kept me on my toes for sure.  Night before last was one of those nights where sleep would come, only to be woken up with husband's talking crazy.  Yes, it's been a rough few days.

He seemed to calm down by afternoon.  I suggested he lie down and rest.  He would not go to sleep, but, did rest some.  By evening he was back to reality.  He slept good last night, which means I slept good last night.

I am hoping today will be relatively normal.  Or, shall we say, a "normal" for me.

As I was bathing him the other day, I noticed his left leg is skinnier than his right.  Seems odd, but, in the beginning of this journey, 4 years ago, his left leg is the one that started to drag.

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.  Not sad about it.  Not happy about it.  It's just something I now acknowledge and go on with my day.

I went to my Dr yesterday for my yearly check up.  I checked out OK.  Blood pressure was normal.  He told me I was handling all of this wonderfully.  This Dr was the first one I took husband to who referred us to Neurology back in 2010.  He always asks how husband is doing.  Told me to take care of myself first, then tend to husband.  Said there is nothing we can do for him anymore.  Give him love, care and understanding, but, bottom line, I am the one who will survive this journey.

It sounds cold, but, he is right.  Of course, I will never neglect husband over my needs, but, I do have to think of me as well.  I'm finally getting to that point.

The grass on the grounds of the apartment complex is starting to turn green.  New leaves are starting to bud on the trees.  Mornings are pretty.  Birds are beginning to sing.  I am seeing more and more people out and about.  Spring.  The promise of re-birth.  How ironic it seems to me now.

Today is a new day.  I am holding my breath that today will be OK.  I'm always like this right before he wakes up.  There are days he wakes up and seems fine.  Then, there are days he wakes up and it's challenging. 

So, here's hoping for a "normal" day.  I sure could use one of those right now.