Cruel Intentions

As I mentioned before,  I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Well, after days of anticipation, it happened.

Things had been going so well in the Alzheimer's department.  One could say it was almost normal around here.  Save for the walking issues, slurred speech and the wearing of the diapers, husband was acting decent.  A little grumpy here and there, but, not too bad.

All that changed yesterday.  In the afternoon.  Husband was using the bathroom (still obsessed with going to the bathroom) when he called me in there in a panic.  He told me someone had moved the handle to flush the toilet.  He was thrashing about while sitting on the toilet, shaking the shower curtain, looking for the handle.

I kept telling him the handle was right there, behind him.  He was having none of it.  During these episodes, nothing, and I mean, nothing, will make sense to him.   After about 10 minutes, I guided his hand to the back of the toilet where the handle was.  He seemed to come out of it, somewhat.  He told me that someone was tricking him, was it me who moved the handle?  Try as I might, he did not understand that the handle was not moved, it did not go anywhere and no one had moved it.  Not even me.

He went to sleep around 9 or so.  Around 5:30 this morning, I woke up to hear rattling, a loud unusual sound.  I sat up and there was husband clawing at the blinds and window.  I asked him what was the matter.  He turned to look at me and it was then and there that I realized he did not recognize me.  He didn't ask who I was, just stared at me, with a look of, "who are you?"

When he gets this way, all I can do is coax him back to bed, gently.  He was very quiet while I guided him back on his bed.  He looked so tired and scared.   Like a little boy.  I tucked him back in and got into my bed.

As I laid my head down I gave out a big sigh. 

It's been a nice reprieve, this last month or so.  We've laughed, gone on day trips, enjoyed our "getting to know Colorado".  We've had conversations, mostly with me doing the talking, but him being present for the most part.  We've sat at the dinner table, talking.  He's told me how delicious dinner was.  We've laughed at the dog and his cute little antics. 

Nice little break.  Nice while it lasted, that is.  Now, back to the business of watching Alzheimer's destroy my husband and our life.

I will cherish the last month.  I am sad today.  Sad for a lot of reasons, but, mainly for husband.  In a way, I wish Alzheimer's would completely claim him now.  Quit teasing me with these breaks in between.

How cruel, Alzheimer's.  How cruel.