2015

2015.  Time is going by so fast.  Some New Years Eve for me.  I went to bed at 9:30.  It just doesn't mean that much to me anymore.

I woke up around 2 AM, laid there and started thinking.  I should not think that deep, even in the early morning hours.  This feeling has come over me.  As I mentioned before, the Dr's told me 3-5 years.  Time is up.  I know it now.  I feel it now.  I dread it now.

Yesterday morning, one of the head nurses came by to do their home visit update.  Our regular nurse had just left.  She started talking to husband.  Of course, his response was hard even for me to understand.  When she was done, she gave me that look, shook her head and asked me if I had completed the paperwork for his DNR.  I told her I had and she said, "Good.  You will need that."

Husband looks forward to the nurse coming though.  She is a great person and relates to husband.  We have come to love her.  When husband does something out of the ordinary, she will make light of it and just continue with her care for him.

She did, however, tell me yesterday that she has noticed a big change in him.  She said that he cannot understand her when she will ask him to lift a leg into the bathtub or, hold arms up so she can put a clean shirt on him.  Any directions, he just can't grasp it anymore.

His eyesight is really bad as well.  When you talk to him, he does what a blind person does.  He will look in the direction of your voice, but, does not look directly at you.  Usually, he looks over the top of my head, towards the ceiling.  It's disturbing for me to look at him.

Dr A in Albuquerque told me the optical part of the brain was involved and he would continue to lose his eyesight.  When we moved here to Colorado and saw his new Neurologist in Denver, Dr F, he agreed.

Now, it has come to pass.  Husband is going blind. 

Husband doesn't talk much anymore, but, when he does, it's garbled, making no sense. 

The other morning, he called me into the bedroom.  I went in and there was standing next to his bed.  He said, "What do you think, 16 or 17?"  I, being used to this by now, said, "16 will be fine."

I had to chuckle at that one. 

So, here's to 2015.  I will hold on tight.