Games people play

I took husband with me for my walk yesterday.  I had to force him to go, but, once we were out, he began to enjoy it.  I figured why he was so hesitant.  He has a fear of falling out of his wheel chair.  When we got to the park, he had to go up the sidewalk.  His chair will lean back as he goes up, but, the sidewalk entrance is made for wheel chairs.  The fear in his eyes.  I made him go up and down a few times to get over his fears.  When we were going up our driveway, I coached him along and he seemed better.  We will go out again today.  I sure am enjoying it.

As we were walking along, we stopped to see a neighbor we have known for a very long time.  She has not seen husband in as many years.  She knew of his illness, but, I don't think she was prepared for seeing him and the way he is now.  Thankfully, she recovered from her shock and told husband how glad she was that we had moved back to our old neighborhood.  Husband did not seem to understand her.  When he doesn't understand, or rather, compute what you tell him, he will nod his head.   That's my cue, letting me know he's in his own world.

Judy and I would be talking, when, out of the blue, husband would look up and say, "We sure like living here again."    After he said it several times, Judy decided to speak directly to husband, telling him each time she was glad we were back as well.  Bless her, she caught on right away and acted like it was nothing.

As we started to leave, she squeezed my hand, gave me a look and we were on our way.  When we had turned the corner, husband said, "It sure was nice talking to Judy."  Yes it was, I said.

It's hard on me when people who haven't seen husband since he became so ill, see him now, in this state.  The look on their faces make me cringe sometimes.  Some handle it well, like Judy, others, not so well.  He doesn't have an infectious disease, I want to scream.  Don't be afraid to touch him, or shake his hand.  You can't "catch" what he has.

We will go out again today.  It's good for husband.  It's good for me.

Husband woke up early this morning.  He is in a somewhat not so good state.  When he is this way, I go along with whatever he has to say.  Agree with anything he has to say.  He won't remember it anyway, so what's the use in it?  I don't like days like this.  Days like this I wish I was somewhere else.  Someone else even.

Let the games begin.