Keeping the Faith

Hard day yesterday.  Husband wanted to go for a walk in his scooter chair.  I let him go alone.  He was gone for about 1 1/2 hours.  I got worried, and found him at the park talking to our groundskeeper and one of our neighbors.  I talked with our groundskeeper and he told me that husband can come out anytime he wants, Robert (groundskeeper) is always there and said he would look out for husband.  Nice man.

When I saw husband talking, it kind of warmed my heart.  There he was, in his chair, talking with such animation.  He was in his element.  I couldn't hear what he was saying, but, it looked to me as if he was enjoying himself.  I asked Robert what they were talking about, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "I can't keep up with him.  He goes from one subject to another."  But, both men listened to him, acting like nothing is wrong with husband, amusing him.  Husband seemed in better spirits in the afternoon.

My morning was stressful with husband.  He was going in and out of reality, telling me that he wanted to move right away, asking me impossible questions about our new apartment, getting frustrated when I didn't have the answers, attempting to walk without his wheelchair, getting angry at me when I told him to get in his chair.  I was ready for "The Cocktail Hour" by 10:00 AM.  Whew.

Ever since his fall in early October, he still cannot lift his right arm up past his chest.  We see Dr A next week.  I will ask him to check it out.

This past week, God has been tapping me on the shoulder, reminding me He is still there, watching over us.  I have cried out to God several days in a row, and He's still there.  It's these little reminders from Him that keeps me going.  It's been hard for me to keep my faith when husband does what he does.  And then, out of the blue, He taps me on the shoulder.  He tells me it's going to be OK.  No, my husband is going to die, but, God is ever faithful, letting me know that He wants husband with Him.

I have to be OK with that.