Post Thanksgiving

Well, thanksgiving was nice.  Different, but, nice.

Tyler & Susie cooked a delicious dinner.  Susie's mom, sister and brother came as well.  I enjoy her little sister.  She is so cute and funny.  Her little brother is mildly Autistic, but, has come out of his shell somewhat and communicates with others better.  Her mom?  While she is sweet, she is rather strange and a little odd.  But, I did enjoy our special dinner.  Like I say, it was nice, but, different.

Jack called Thanksgiving morning.  He was lonely and missing his family.  He told me that he felt homesick for us, that it didn't really feel like Thanksgiving at all.  Then he said, "I really miss you mom."  That almost did me in, but, I played it out well.  Once we got off the phone, I felt so very sad.  Sad for a lot of reasons, but, sad just the same.

I asked him if he wanted to talk to his dad.  He hesitated, then said, "Not really.  Mom, he doesn't understand anything I say anymore.  I don't like talking to him.  And that makes me sad, that I don't even want to talk to my dad."  I sat there for a minute and thought back to Thanksgivings past.  How it had come to this.  My son now doesn't want to talk to his dad anymore, because his dad can't communicate well anymore.  What a crappy feeling.

Husband has been OK.  Fades in and out of reality, but attitude has been OK.  No anger issues to speak of.  A lot of confusion.  Asks me throughout the day what day it is, what time it is, what's the date, when is Christmas, when are we going someplace, and on and on.  I answer many times the same questions.  By evening, I am tired of the questions.  I always breathe a sigh of relief when I know he has fallen asleep.

When I woke up yesterday morning, I said to myself, "One holiday down, one to go.  Bring it on."  Hurry Christmas, come and go.

I used to love the holidays.  Smelling the good food cooking, looking at my children's excited faces at the wonder that is Christmas, family gatherings.  Now?  The children are grown, my husband is dying, and the delicious food cooking?  Not so much.

We see Dr A in two weeks.  There, I will arrange for Home Health Care to come in and see about husband.  I will get some freedom and a break from the daily grind that has become my life.  I sure need it.  I know Dr
A will see a change in husband.  Maybe then he can tell me how much longer.   You just never know with Alzheimer's.  Especially his type of Alzheimer's.

Today we are going to a birthday party.  We are actually getting out of the house.  It'll be fun.  I certainly am looking forward to it.  Husband is too, in his own confused way.  He has probably forgotten we are going.  I have to remind him again.   He'll look at me when I tell him and most likely will say, "Oh, really?  I didn't know we were going.  You didn't tell me about the party."

I will sigh, and say, "Oh, maybe I forgot to tell you."  He will nod his head and agree that I did indeed forget to tell him.

Yep, it's like that here.  Day in.  Day out.