Cauliflower

What is there to say now?  This new Dr we saw today was good.  Really good.  I am concerned with the weight loss.  Dr said to watch it closely, get him to drink some Ensure.  Might help but might not she said.

I had taken husband's June MRI.  She said she didn't need it.  After she was done, she leaves the room and I am feeling very uncomfortable about this MRI I have on disc.  I felt like she needed it to see where we are at. 

The nurse comes in and I tell her how uncomfortable I am in the Dr not even interested in the MRI disc.  The nurse says she will scan it into their computer and goes and gets the Dr.  Dr K comes in and asks me to step out with her.

We go to the computer.  She shows me the MRI results and then says, "Mrs Lucero, the reason I don't need this is because it is obvious your husband is grave.  His illness is beyond help anymore.  There is nothing anyone can do.  You are doing a wonderful job in caring for him.  I am so sorry you didn't understand.  It's not that I don't care, but, look at his brain.  It looks like cauliflower now."

I started to cry and she puts her arm around me and says, "Oh, I am so sorry.  I feel so bad for you right now.  I know, I wish I could give him a magic pill to help, but, there is nothing I can do.  I am also sorry there are other Dr's out there who will prescribe a pill, just to keep you quiet.  I am not that kind of Dr.  Take your husband home, care for him the way you are doing now, make his last days, however long that is, filled with love."

She said she will follow him closely.  We go in 1 month to check his weight, and she will see him every 3 months until the end.  She also has put in a referral for a Primary Care Physician, who will then get us Home Health Care, or, Hospice.

So that's it, in a nutshell.  I don't know what I expected, but, am glad I got him in to this Dr.  She shoots straight from the hip and doesn't mess around.   I feel as if I made the right choice in getting a new Dr here, in the Springs.

All I could think of when driving home was what she said about his brain.  "Look at his brain, it looks like cauliflower."

I would look over at husband sitting beside me in the car.  His head bobbed, he would look out the window, no recognition of nothing.  Nothing.

I will never eat Cauliflower again.

Ever.