Who's the boss this year?

I'm doing a little better today.  I have a lot to do and decisions to make, but, am feeling better about what I feel comfortable in doing to honor husband.  I won't say much now, but, a plan is taking place, in my mind, and, I feel good about it.

I left husband home alone yesterday, but, took the dog and together, we went to Tish's house to do laundry.  A few days before, Tish had taken my sheets, towels and rugs.  She did those for me so I wouldn't have to be away from home for so long.

Because he falls so much, I didn't want to risk him falling on the way to the car.  I felt it was more risky to have him attempt to walk (with his walker) to the car than to leave him home.  These are just one of the many decisions I go through daily.  Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

He was asleep when I left, and was sitting in the rocker recliner when I got home.  He was fine.  In his own world, but, I'm used to that, so, that part didn't surprise me.

He said he was hungry, so, I made an early dinner.  He ate a good dinner, then, went to his bed.

He has been sleeping good throughout the night.  That's a plus.  He does talk, in his sleep.  His hands will move as he talks to someone or something.  It's more interesting than scary to me.

Husband does not like our bathroom.  He will tell me that there are people in the bathroom and he always wants me to tell them to leave.  I go into the bathroom, stand in the middle of the room and politely ask "the people" to leave.  Sometimes, it works, other times, not so good.  It's just the bathroom, bedroom, living room, dining room and kitchen are not an issue.

He also says he has to "go down" to the toilet.  His mind is so demented now, that I fully believe his perception has been damaged.  Or, he will ask me which toilet he should use.  He thinks there are more than one.  When I point out which one to use, he will say, "But, I have to go down there.  Can I go down?"  Trying to convince him he does not have to go down is useless.  I go along with it.  It's better that way.

I have decided to go all out this Christmas.  Tree, trimmings and presents under the tree for him.  I now know this will be his last and I want to make a memory for me.  There will be pictures, laughter and singing of Christmas songs.  I refuse to give in to this disease.  Alzheimer's will not ruin what will be husband's last Christmas.

There will be presents galore under the tree.  Cheap, dollar store, Walmart and Target presents.  I am actually getting excited when I think about how wonderful my house will look.  And smell, with a real Christmas tree. 

For the first time in a few years, I am actually looking forward to the Holidays.  I've come a long way from last year.  One would think that I, knowing husband will not be here next year, would crumble and fall.

No, Alzheimer's will not be in charge this year.  I'm the boss this year.