Carrot Cake

Yesterday was a very strange day. I felt it when I woke up and it followed me throughout the day. There was a strange sadness all around me. I tried to make it festive for Leon, only I could tell it was a strange sadness for him too.

It was a very quiet day, beautiful weather, but this quietness was so loud, it made my ears roar.

He slept most of the afternoon. I made him his favorite: Carrot Cake. I woke him up for his birthday dinner. He ate a little. But that quietness was just so overpowering. He had his birthday cake, then went back to bed. Jack went in and together, they watched a movie. I could hear them laughing at some silly movie, but, that strange sadness would just not leave me. It warmed my heart that Jack made the effort to be with his Dad. He is such a lovely boy.

I cut myself a piece of the carrot cake. It tasted like sand to me. Oh, I suppose it was delicious, but to me, it tasted like sand.

Later, after Jack had gone to bed, Leon hobbled out to me. Sat down, and that quietness surrounded us both. He then said, "this is my last birthday, I can feel it, and I'm sad and scared". It sounded so loud to me, then, I realized, that's what that strange quiet was to me all day. I knew this was to be his last birthday, like God was telling me, this is it. We talked for awhile, he then said, "I want to go to LA to see your Mom". Of course, that is out of the question, but I went along with it, said we'd have to see. That seemed to satisfy him.

After yesterday, I have come to a decision. I will never eat carrot cake again. Never.