I don't know if anyone reads this blog, but I continue to post. Sometimes I think why post, but, it helps me. Get it down in writing, re-read it. Does it makes sense to anyone else? I don't know, but it helps me get through each day.

This past week has been especially hard. Leon has never made it "back". He has been in his own world for weeks now. Like I've said before, we have always had a "honeymoon" in between episodes. He has always come "back" from wherever his mind takes him, maybe not all there, but he has come "back". Not so this time.

Last night for instance. He came out of the bedroom and said, "tomorrow, when you get home from your meeting, Jack and I are going to go visit my Dad." Huh? What meeting? So, I said, "what meeting?" He gets agitated, says, "your meeting over there". "Where?", I say. By this time, I know he is halucinating, so, easing him down, I say, "honey, I have no meeting tomorrow, it's Sunday tomorrow". He then looks so surprised and says, "oh, well, were going to go visit Grandpa tomorrow. Jack wants to see his Grandpa". "Ok", I say. I turn back to my TV and mumble, "Damn".
After one of these episodes, he goes to sleep and sleeps for hours. Last night, he stayed awake for a long time. It's crazy, scary and sad all at the same time.

His legs are beginning to fail him. His legs don't move alot as he tries to walk. They remind me of wood, they're just so stiff. He has used the walker from time to time for a few weeks now. He did use it at the grocery store and he was able to keep up with me.

Jack is out of school for the summer now. Leon seems excited that he will be home. Jack makes such a big effort to spend time with his Dad. He watches over his Dad. Jack and I talk about his Dad, alot.

I have a Dr's appointment for Jack. He has been having anxiety attacks and depression. This, I know, is tough for a young man to go through. I just hope the Dr can help him. We have agreed that counseling could help, it's just finding the right person to counsel him. I want to see Jack well again. Dealing with a terminally ill husband is hard enough. Add a depressed teenager, fearful of the unknown and you get one stressed out me.

Nobody said this was going to be easy, and trust me, it's not. I continue to march on, it's all I can do. It would be nice to get a break, but, I'm in it for the long haul. And a long haul it will be. I have a plaque on my kitchen wall that says, "I see the moon, the moon sees me. God bless the moon, God bless me". Amen.