On Golden Pond

Yesterday was rough for my Jack. He wanted to get a set of car and house keys for himself. Husband insisted on going. Jack came to me frustrated saying, "Mom, dad wants to go with me, but he acts awful in the store, I don't want to take him, Mom, please". I said, very softly, "Son, your dad doesn't know what he's doing anymore. It's not that he's being mean to you honey, it's the disease talking. The man we knew as your dad is gone, please, pretend he's your litle brother and let him tag along". That wonderful child of mine did as he was asked. I could see he was on the brink of tears, but took his dad with him. He said later he behaved very well in the store.

After they had gone, the ache I felt for Jack and husband overwhelmed me. It reminded me of a movie I had watched many years ago. It starred Henry Fonda, Jane Fonda and Katherine Hepburn. The husband was dying and took it out on his daughter, played by his real daughter Jane. And how Katherine Hepburn, her mother in the film, tried to get her to understand that her dad did not hate her, it was the disease. I remember watching it then and thinking it was all just acting and "made up".

Not so. That movie means something to me now. And now, so many years later that movie has come to play out in my life. It's not something made from Hollywood. The movie has true, deep meaning now, to me, to my family.

I don't know what the title of that movie has to do with the subject, but I am going to think that one day, too soon, husband will be at that "Golden Pond", with his mother. And after leaving this earth too soon, destroyed by a monster of all diseases, together they will understand. It all happens for a reason. It's not His will for husband to be here anymore.

Today, my child turns 17. I let him take the car to school, being his first day of school, his Senior Year. Last year. Next year this time, he will be in the Air Force. He will spend his 18th birthday away from me. He is a man now. Thinkng about that, I have to catch my breath.

God willing, he has dodged the bullet. The bullet that runs rampant in his dad's genes. The bullet that is killing his dad, right now, as we speak. His future looks promising. He deserves to live past age 47. He's my child.