Gonna miss you

Husband and I had  conversation yesterday.  Not a real deep conversation, but a conversation all the same.  One of the reasons why I don't like to have a conversation with him is the way his eyes look now.  How can I explain it?  His eyes are rounder now, bigger it seems to me, and the eyeballs look as if they are floating in this new bigger, roundness.  They are so different, each eyeball.  I just don't like looking at them.  It scares me and makes me uncomfortable.  When anyone asks me about husband, my mind goes immediately to his eyes.  Not his memory loss or the mere fact that he is terminal.  It's always about the eyes.

I don't know what it has to do with Alzheimer's.  We see Dr A next month.  I think I'm going to ask him why the eyes change.  It's a very dramatic change.

Going to wait for our appointment and talk to the Dr about having a nurse come in.  I think it's time, just to have someone professional check on him.  I don't know what signs to look for, other than seizure activity, so it would be nice to have someone else look at him.

Because he is terminal, we only see Dr A every 6 months.  I'd like to have more visits with the Dr, but Dr A says that it is not necessary.  Dr A says that in the latter to final stages, you will see dramatic changes within a 6 month period.  Because husband is so confused most of the time, when we see the Dr next month, I know there will be a significant change.

What they do when we see the Dr is ask him questions, like where are we, what floor are we on, what day of the week is it, what year is it, and then they have him draw a specific item.  It's always a clock, and he asks husband to draw the hands to say a certain time.  Husband has never been able to draw that clock.  He has to draw other things, in which he cannot do.  Being that he can no longer hold a pen or pencil, I am anxious for this visit.

Time seems to be going by so very fast.  Too fast.

All too soon, it will be Fall.  With Fall comes time for Jack to leave the nest.  I asked him if he would miss me.

He replied, "Oh yes, I'm really gonna miss you Mom, but, it's gonna be so neat for me."

Yes, it will be neat.  But I'm sure gonna miss him.