Peaceful

I never did get the pic of the patio up yesterday.  Try for today.

"They" say the monsoons are upon us, here locally.  Really?  Where?  Oh, wait, I take that back.  We got about 50 raindrops on our patio last week, sprinkled with some lightening and thunder.  Oh, it has been so hot here.  Setting records every day.  Last time I remember it being this hot was when I was pregnant with Jack.  In 1994.  Jack was born in August of that year.  I actually thought I would burst, I was that hot.  Now, 18 years later, we are experiencing the same kind of heat.  Want to get this summer over with.

I woke up this morning with a feeling of peace.  Somehow, someway, through all of this confusion husband has been experiencing lately,  I can find peace within myself.

I have come to the conclusion that I am doing all I can for him.  With an Alzheimer's sufferer, they cannot compute that you are giving them the best care you can.  They just don't get it.

Husband came to me last night and said he was so sorry for the things he told me the other day.  He said, "It's just this disease that I have makes me say things I don't mean."  There.  He finally said it.  He has a disease he cannot control and it's going to kill him.  Finally.  A breakthrough of sorts.


Tyler came to visit yesterday.  He works for the City of Albuquerque and has a day off in the middle of the week.  We had a great talk.  I told him I wish husband would go sooner than later.  He admitted that he felt the same way and has been feeling guilty, thinking he was the only one wishing this.  Said he felt so much better after talking with me.  


It's nice to talk with someone about husband.  It's nice to speak out what's really in my heart and mind without coming off as a cold  person.  No, I don't want husband to die, but he's going to.  I can't change that.  


I just wish it were over already.  


I have this sinking feeling that once Jack leaves for the Air Force, husband will decline rather quickly.  Tyler said he has the same feeling.  For husband's sake, I hope so.


So, today, this morning, I have peace.  I don't know how long it will last.  But, what's important is right now,  Peace.