My child-man

Thank you for your thoughtful comments.  How I wish it were that easy to not take husband.  I would love nothing better than to board that plane alone.  It is not possible, as he remembers that Jack is graduating, that we are going to the graduation and we will fly.  I think by not taking him, well, that may do him in.  

As far as what happened to husband, it's something I'd rather not talk about, but, to put it in a nutshell, he became delusional, disoriented and uncontrollable.  Kristen and I could not bring him out of it.  It was an awful scene.  It took many hours to bring him out of it.  Even when I brought him home, he was still in a state, but, seemed more aware of his surroundings.  By Saturday, he seemed more like himself, or, rather, more like what he has become.  We have settled back into our routine, only now, I have this cloud over me.  Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I had a long talk with FIL on the phone yesterday.  He has been ill and I didn't want to burden him, but, husband called him and I took over.  Told him everything that had happened last week.  We share a common bond, he and I, after all.  He told me that husband was entering the final stages of this disease, that's what husband's mother had done as well.  He said, soon, too soon, husband will cease to talk, watch him closely for any delusions,  and play the waiting game.  I told him about placing husband and he agreed.

He cried, I cried.  

The other kids know of my decision and all agree with me.  Jack is the only one who does not know.  He will find out soon enough.

Husband has been so so.  I talked with him about flying, and how he has to be on his best behavior.  He promised he would behave.  What other married couple talk this way?  Telling your husband he has to behave on a plane?  Oh, how I hate this. 

I am looking forward to leaving the city for awhile.  Going someplace I have never been.  I was reading the brochure on Jack's graduation.  We will have plenty of time for play.  It will be nice.  Jack says that he wants to take us places while there.  He hasn't seen much of San Antonio, but, a lot of the guys are taking their families around and about the sights and he wants to take us.  May do me some good.

We leave one week from today.  I will board that plane with excitement.  I will try not to think about the ugly of Alzheimer's.  I will try not to look at husband.  I will try to forget that he is dying and play pretend we are just like any other couple, going to their son's graduation.  I will try to escape it all.  Even if it's for 4 days only.

Yes, I'll do fine.  The only thing that keeps me going right now is seeing Jack's face.  That child-man.  How I will hug him.  Just to see his face again.  

Oh yes, I'll do just fine.