Dazed and confused no more

I've been absent, I know.  I needed a break from life.  I unplugged my phone, sat outside for countless hours, and, prayed.  I made a decision, one that has been hard, shed many tears over this, talked to
God and cried some more.

I have decided to stay here.  For many reasons.  First reason is money.  Moving to Colorado would eat up all the money we survive on.  Rent would be higher.  The stress I've been under has been tremendous. 

By yesterday morning, I felt as if I was going to lose it completely.  As I was sitting outside, I saw father in law drive up.  I had just finished asking God to guide me in my decision.

I told father in law my issues when he asked me what was wrong.  He, being the wise man that he is, gave me some good points to ponder.  He pointed out how we can make it here financially.  He said how beautiful the grounds are from our living room.  He said our apartment is just perfect for the two of us.  He told me that when husband does pass,  I'll still be able to live here on my own.  He said a lot of things. 

I told him of my giving a 60 day notice last month.  He advised me to go to the office and try to rescind my notice.  Said anything can be worked out.  Said we have been excellent tenants, paid my rent on time, never causing trouble.

Once I got husband settled with his breakfast and visiting with his dad,  I went down to the office.  I was so scared. 

It seems that they have already rented my apartment, but, they were going to call the new tenant and see if they could switch him to another unit.  I told them that if I had to switch to another unit,  I would, but, preferred to stay in this one.  They told me not to worry, we would work it out.

I have been praying that this new tenant will agree to switch.  Please pray with me.  I'll know something today.

I know Tish will be upset about my decision, but, this is my decision and my life we're talking about.  As much as I would love to go to Colorado, I just can't at this time.  The time is not right.  I have felt this way for many weeks now.  But, once I made my decision to stay here, for awhile mind you, not forever, but, for now, I have felt the weight lift off my shoulders.

Yesterday afternoon, as the word spread that I was staying, my wonderful neighbors started coming up to me on the porch, giving me hugs and telling me how happy they were I wasn't leaving, I felt better and better.  They talked of Christmas, and how I would be here to celebrate with them.  They talked of Thanksgiving and how we should do a pot luck. 

As I sat on my porch, watching my neighbors fussing over husband, smiling, joking and planning for the upcoming year, I felt such inner Peace. 

Yes, this is where I belong.  For now.