The beginning of the end

A little late in posting today.  Busy morning.  I have about 20 minutes left before I go to the laundry room to get the last two loads out of the dryer and be done with the weekly laundry until next week.  Or, until husband wets the bed.  Again.

Husband continues to be in a stupor.  On top of this new phase, he had some really bad hallucinations right after dinner last night.

I made a roast chicken, with risotto & veggies and yeast rolls.  It was delicious.  Right before my eyes, he began to get agitated and it was all downhill from there.

Two and a half hours later, with sweat rolling in my eyes, I finally got him to lie down on the bed.  Gave him his night meds.  I give him two around 7 PM, then, wait another 2 hours and give him his final pill at night around 9 PM.  I did not wait 2 hours last night for the final pill.  It was about 45 minutes between.  Once that pill took affect, he fell asleep and slept the whole night.

He is not in touch with reality.  I can see how fast he is fading. 

I did not give him a bath today.  Instead, I took the adult wipes, cleaned his body off, powdered him, put deodorant on him and got him dressed. His body has tremors, more noticeable than before.  I have him on his bed, resting.

He is staring at nothing.  His TV is on, but, it's just background noise to him.  If he even hears it.

Now, most people reading this would think, "Call 911, call 911."  Why?  You think anyone is going to save him?  What could they do?  Brain transplant?

He's dying.  That's all there is to it.

As I sat outside this morning, drinking my espresso, I hung my head and cried.  I am crying now.  For everything that is happening.  I guess I'm really not ready for him to go just yet.  I want more time with him.

I have to let go and let God take him.  After all, I did pray and ask Him to take him soon, now didn't I?

I wonder now, sitting here.  Are my prayers being answered and am I ready for this?

I don't know.