The past few days have tested me beyond anything I have ever known. Yesterday being the worst.
Leon has taken a turn for the worse. It all started with me letting him know that I needed a break and was taking yesterday morning to get some fresh air, breathe, relax, enjoy some time away from home and to feel not so suffocated. I just needed some time away. He got very angry. I had never seen him like this. So, I took him with me yesterday, so I could get out of the house. It's easier that way. You cannot reason with him.
And, I have been thinking. There may come a time when I can no longer do for him. The thought of putting him in a nursing home breaks my heart. Just thinking of what it may do to him and even worse, Jack, is heartbreaking. But, what's best for all of us?
I made a promise to him on the Day of Diagnosis that I would never put him in a home, but, that was then, this is now. I feel as if I am drowning. I am concerned, I am just so down today, I am scared, and, sad, very sad.
This is not good. I hate feeling this way. But, if what I experienced on Thursday and yesterday is a peek into what is to come, I may have no other choice. It was not pretty folks.
So today I will take each breath, move slowly, speak carefully, keep the household running on an even keel and hope today is better than the last few days.
No comments:
Post a Comment