Doom & Gloom?

When I began this post, I promised there would be some funny, lighthearted areas I would go to, along with updates on my husband's conditions. Reading back on some of my posts, I can see we haven't gone to the funny or lighthearted areas. They are there, but are getting lost in my memory because for the most part, we go to that "dark place", all too often.

I need to apologize for that. I am not a negative person, have a great sense of humor and love to make people laugh. However, when my husband wakes up and you have to answer questions like, "what is today?", "can we go somewhere today?", "do we have my cereal?", "did Jack already leave for school?", "when is the 3rd?", "what are you doing?", "what's for dinner tonight?", "what day is it?", "did you feed the dog?", "why is it windy outside?", "what day did you say it was?", get the picture? Then, all of my funny and lighthearted stories are replaced with the reality that my husband has turned into a child again, I no longer have a partner, he is gone, so I switch gears, put on my "Mommy" hat and let my day begin.

This morning, he was yelling for the dog in his sleep. I went into the room to check on him. He was still mumbling, but opened his eyes, as I looked at him I saw something. He wasn't "talking" in his sleep, he was hallucinating. I asked him if he was OK, he mumbled that he was confused, then laid back down. I sat in the living room, heard more mumblings. The dog got a little nervous and I thought, "what if he goes into a full blown episode? Do I call 911? What the hell do I do?" Luckily, he came out of it and is eating breakfast. He seems confused and weak. Don't know where today is going to go.

These are my scary moments. When is it going to go from bad to worse? Does it happen all of a sudden? Does it gradually get worse?

So, you see, I try to post funny stuff but when we to go that "dark place", the funny stuff gets lost. Then, my day is consumed with the reality of what my life is now.