Spring!!

Spring has come to the Land of Enchantment. Everything is turning green, mornings are still cold but by 10 or 11, it starts to warm up. I heard birds chirping this morning. I love this time of year. Re-birth. Nature. Fishing. Ah, yes, and the sneezing.

Last year this time, we were waiting on results from Leon's tests. There was one more test to do and we would get final diagnosis. I can remember that day last year like it was yesterday. When I checked him in at the front desk, they were especially nice to me. And I thought, "what a friendly place this hospital is." When they called his name, as I was going through the door, I glanced at the nurse as she looked at Leon and noticed something in her eyes. She smiled so sweetly at him and once again, I thought, "gosh, they are so nice here." We had been going to see this Neurologist since January of 2010 and it was mid April, but I just thought I had never noticed how friendly they actually were. They took us to a different room this time. As I entered the room, I looked at the door and it said, "Conference Room". My thought was, "oh good, no more poking and prodding, this is nice." Then, the Dr came in. As he sat down, he just looked at us, gave a big sigh, but as I look back now, it wasn't a sigh, it was a shudder. And then, those words, "I'm so sorry, what you have is Familial Frontal Lobe Denentia, very rare, and, terminal." He then looked at me and said, "you were right, you knew all along." And time seemed to stop. It was so quiet in that room, I heard voices in the hallway, talking, laughing, doors shutting, equipment moving, someone paging a Dr to the ER saying, "code blue", and all the while, Dr was telling us that Leon was going to die. My ears were roaring and I could actually hear the blood running through my body.

So, huh, I was right. Dementia. Final. Terminal. God, for once in my life, I really, really wanted to be wrong.

And here we are, one year later. Life is coming back to the Land of Enchantment, there is re-birth, the little creatures of the earth are coming out of their winter homes, my husband has Dementia and will die.

Today I know why they were so nice to me, that day of Diagnosis, all of them. They knew. It said on his chart. They knew what I already knew in my heart.

I will never, ever, look at Spring the same again.