Selfish

Part of this disease has turned my husband into one of the most selfish people I have ever known.

He is self-centered, thinks only of himself, full of self pity, will not share and "play nice". Folks, this is the #1 most irritating moments I have about this thing called, Dementia.

It's all about him, and him only. Please don't tell me, "well, Susie, he is sick you know". I, of all people know that. But, I am also human, and these feelings of anger, frustration and irritation are a very real part of my feelings.

We've had a few experiences these last few days of just how much this disease has progressed. Just when you begin to relax and enjoy what you have, this monster comes roaring back, bigger than before. Sometimes in the form of complete memory loss, sometimes in the form of poor pitiful me, sometimes in the form of "me, me and only me".

Ever watch that crazy show, "Wipeout?" I feel like those people at times, just bouncing and balancing. Sometimes you fall, sometimes you don"t.

I want to be "there" for him, but, it's hard when he is so involved in himself and this disease just keeps on destroying. Will I be able to do this? Am I that strong? How can I keep my sanity? How can I be there for all of us? I am having a moment today, a moment that will soon pass, however, when you are in the moment, it's awfully hard to see past.

Oh well, time, or should I say, this disease, continues to march on.