Dear God...

Husband has come down with this nasty viral infection that Jack and I had. He is miserable. Slept a lot yesterday. Coughed all night long. Felt bad for him. I am afraid to give him any kind of cough syrup because I don't know what would be safe what with him taking the high powered drugs he is on. May have to just ride it out. I have given him cough drops, that seems to ease the irritation in his throat. Did not go to church yesterday, don't want him around other people just yet.

There have been no falls since the cane retired and in it's place, the walker. He gets around the house with more ease. Told me last night that he likes the walker now, says it easier to walk. I'm glad he feels this way. Finally.

Jack was working in the back yard and husband insisted on "helping" yesterday. Of course, he couldn't do much. Jack told me later that "Dad was acting strange". I asked him how strange? He said, "Well, he was acting like he didn't know where he was, or who I was. Kept mumbling to himself about this "boy" who was working in his yard." I nodded my head and Jack said, "Mom, he didn't even know who I was." He said it didn't last the whole time, but, for the majority of the time. Jack finally took him into the house, told him to rest. I was at the grocery store, and did not find out about this until I was cooking dinner last night. Jack was very quiet last night. I made his favorite dinner, he did not eat.

I will be so glad when Jack leaves for the Air Force. He will no longer have to see any of this. He doesn't need to see it. I can handle it, but, not my kid.

I can remember the day when husband's mother did not know who he was. Husband was beside himself. Every time he would go see her she would call him "Sir" and explain her husband was not at home but she would let him know he had come by. She suffered so. My husband will suffer like she did. It's one thing to have your loved one terminally ill. It's another to have experienced it before, knowing what he will go through as well.

That reminder slaps me in the face every day. I remember his mom, and her doing things a certain way. Husband has taken on the same characteristics. The fear of swallowing pills, for example. She too did the same thing. She was afraid of choking. Every morning, I now have to coach husband in swallowing his pills. Breaks my heart each and every day.

Then, I look at my Jack. Dear God, Please. Please do not let him be afflicted with this as well. He has such a bright future ahead of him. Please.