This new house

Today was a busy one. Did a lot of packing and cleaning. Several people showed up to look at the house. I had to play hostess. Wasn't too bad though.

Patrick took husband to the shooting range yesterday. Husband took a bad fall while there. Poor Patrick. He was pretty shook up about it. He has never watched husband fall. Husband was OK, but a bit unsteady.

Husband has been quite unsteady for a few days now. Cannot seem to gain any balance. It's so hard watching him go downhill so suddenly. I've noticed yesterday and today, he stumbles even with the walker. His legs are almost completely gone. Just when I thought the walker would do for awhile, I am now thinking of getting him a wheel chair. Only, I don't have money for that. Will have to check with Medicare, maybe they can help me buy one?

While I was doing the packing, husband was sitting on the couch. I came out of the kitchen, into the living room and noticed husband slumped over, asleep. I woke him up, told him to lie flat on the couch. Occasionally, he would yell out in his sleep. He would call one of the dogs, I'd look and he'd be sound asleep. Then, he would have a conversation with I don't know who. He slept for about 4 hours. I had to wake him up, as people were coming to see the house. He seemed disorientated the rest of the afternoon.

Husband has asked me several times today what day it is. One time he thought it was Wednesday, the next time he thought it was Sunday, then Friday. Continually asks me what day are we moving. I get so tired of repeating myself.

Tonight I am sad. Sad that we are moving, sad that there are so many memories here in this house. The new house won't have the kind of memories we have here. The new house will have different, end of life memories. No more looking out into the backyard, remembering the BBQ's, family parties and watching the kids run with the dogs. No, this new house will not hold such memories. But, it will be better for me. Clean slate in the new place. I will always think of this house. The house that holds so much dear to my heart, but, also so much heartache.

Another adjustment. But, I am looking forward to a new place. It will be a good thing.