More "Perks"

Around 5:30 this morning, husband woke me up by clapping. He was laying flat on his back and clapping away. Then, he called the dogs to get on the bed with him. I sat up, told him to hush, as the dogs were trying to get on my bed!! Once they saw me, they backed off. I got up, husband was laying there wide awake, quiet by then. He looked strange to me.

What was that all about?

Nights are scary for me, for husband. He always seems more confused by nighttime. I've read about Sundowners Dementia, which I know he doesn't have as he is confused all day too. Because he sleeps a lot during the day, I don't notice it as much. By afternoon, he comes around, is more awake, so of course I will see the mass confusion that is going on with him now. On the days when he is more awake, I will hear him holler from the bedroom, or, he will come out and when I ask what he wants, he will say I told him it was time for dinner. He is adamant that I called him for dinner. It will be 2 in the afternoon, but, he will insist it's dinner time.

Another one of the "perks" of having a spouse with Dementia.

I got some Adult Diapers for him yesterday. Don't know when I'm going to introduce them to him, but, they are here. I may offer him one if we go somewhere for any length of time. I know he will fight me on it, but, the time is now for him to start using them. He has accidents all the time now. At least he still has the sense the change when he does have an accident.

He knows he's going downhill fast now. I can see it in his face. He looks like a defeated man, one who has lost the fight. It's gone out of him. Like a deflated balloon. I've noticed that since last week.

I live and breathe "signs and symptoms". I wake up with it, go to bed with it. During the day, I try to think of other things, however, this monster has taken over my very life. He's not the only one affected. I am too. Only, I will live and he will not.

I have decided to NOT seek employment. I cannot and will not leave him alone. Too risky. Money is tight, but, not worth putting husband at risk.

I don't know what today holds. I never know. Patrick is off today. Maybe he will come take husband out for a few hours? That would be nice. Only, when he takes husband, I always give instructions to Patrick, as if he were a child of mine.

In a gut wrenching, heartbreaking and sad way, he is.