Rattled and beyond

The past few days have been rough.   I mean, rough.  Husband has been very difficult, going in and out of reality.

I always use the term "rattled" when describing a rough situation.  Often, some people have been heard chuckling when I use the word, rattled.  Well, I am here to tell you it's no laughing matter.

When I get rattled, it feels like my whole body is shaking and vibrating at the same time.  I feel as if I am on the verge of completely losing my mind.  It's a very uncomfortable feeling.  Scary too.

Pat & Jason came to help lay the bricks yesterday, helping Jack out.  It's a job, but, once they got it all figured out, the process went smoothly.  Almost done, they will finish up today.

I had told husband to stay in the house so they could work.  Yeah, sure.  Of course he was right in the middle of everything, with his walker.  He finally came in, but not without a fight.  And he was angry at me for making him come into the house.

Poor Jack.  He had a rough time with his dad.  He told me later that he wished it was September so he could leave.  I can't blame him.  Poor kid, even he was rattled.

Husband got it up in his head that Friday was Father's Day.  Asked me why did I not do anything for him on Father's Day.  Putting on my Academy Award Winning Face, I told him it was not Father's Day.  He insisted that I told him it was.

During the BBQ Saturday, Susie & Christine both came to me very concerned.  Said that they had no idea how bad husband has become.  Both of them were visibly upset about husband's deteriorating condition.

We see Dr A in July.  6 more weeks.  I will request a nurse to start coming in.  I will do that for as long as I can.  And then?

I will place him in a facility where they can care for him.

So final.  So hard.  So sad.