Rough ride ahead!

Husband woke me around 5 am this morning.  He was confused and agitated, telling me to go pick up a coke for him.  He said he had already paid for them for them, he just needed me to go pick them up.

I got out of bed, still groggy from a rather decent nights sleep.  I didn't know what to do, so, I told him we had can cokes, no fountain cokes.  Of course, I wasn't about to give him a coke at 5 am, but, wanted to go along with whatever he was telling me.

He couldn't find the bathroom.  I had to steer him to the bathroom.  He was so agitated.  He asked me where are we?  I told him we were home, in our apartment.  He was having none of it.  Told me no, he was on his lunch hour and had gone to get 2 fountain cokes, said he had paid for them, he wanted me to go get them.

I've got him settled back in bed now, he seems more relaxed.  I hope he sleeps for a few more hours.  Me?  I made an espresso.  I can't go back to sleep.  Even my dog is edgy.  He won't go near husband.

The last few days have been calm and quiet.  I was so hoping this wouldn't happen again.  Who am I fooling?

We have now progressed into the unknown world of Alzheimer's.  To look at husband's eyes when the delusions begin is haunting.  And scary.  His whole face takes on a different look.  He doesn't look like husband.  He goes to a very dark place.  He looks so lost.  To watch him look around, trying to find something familiar he can grasp.

Inside, I am shaking.  My heart hurts.  On the outside, I have to play pretend that this is all normal.  If I don't, it only makes things worse for husband.  And for me.  And no, I didn't read that somewhere.  I've had to learn all this on my own.  There is no guidebook on dealing with an Alzheimer's patient. Once again, you fly by the seat of your pants.  Trial and error.  Fun stuff I'm learning.

This is where it gets difficult.  And yes, I actually did read that some time ago.  This is where they become completely lost.  This is where they enter into unknown territory.  And, nothing can be done for them.  Drug em' up to keep them calm.

I am not ready for this.  I can only hope and pray that I do him justice.  That I treat him with dignity.  That I don't lose it.  It's all on me.  I've got to find the strength to get through this final stage.

Here we go, folks.  Digging out my big girl pants, finding my safety helmet, strapping myself in for a rough ride.  It's going to get bumpy.