No more nothing

Husband has continued a downward spiral.  It's heartbreaking to watch.  So many new issues have come up.  Just to name a few:

Husband has started crawling.  When he can't stand, he gets on all fours and crawls.  This started Saturday night.

He has trouble seeing.  He'll ask for his glasses, put them on and hold whatever is in his hands close to his face.  Then, he'll say, "I can't see it, what is it?"

When placing something in his hands, like pills, you have to guide his hand to close, or else, it'll drop right out of his hand. 

Father in law came yesterday.  I was sitting outside.  Husband was in his scooter chair, head dropped, asleep.  We talked on the porch.  What a bond we share.  We have become so close.  He said he had a hat for husband and money for this birthday.

After about 1/2 hour, we went in the apartment.  I woke husband up and said, "Look who's here."   Husband looked up and did not recognize his own dad.  Father in law bent down and handed him the money.  Husband, not knowing what to do, stared.  I lifted his hand up, and father in law placed the bills in his hand.  Seeing that husband's hand was not closing, he gently reached down and closed his hand.  It was such a touching moment.

You could see that father in law was taken aback by this sudden turn.  With his voice breaking, he put his hand on his shoulder and said, "Happy Birthday, Son."

I went into the kitchen and husband said to his dad, "My dad is coming to see me."  Father in law leaned back on the chair as if someone had pushed him and said, "I'm your dad and I'm here."   Husband smiled.

They had a nice visit.  After FIL left, husband brought me his wallet and asked me if I could put his money in his wallet.  I looked at him, surprised.  He said, "I don't know how to do it."

I am not looking forward to Thursday.  It's something of a milestone for him.  But, for me, I know deep inside of me, this will finally be his last birthday. 

This birthday will be spent quietly.  No more BBQ's for Daddy.  No more secret phone calls asking me what to get him for his birthday.  No more surprises.  No more big family get togethers. 

No more nothing.

So, on Thursday, I will make him feel happy, I hope, if he even remembers it is his birthday.  I will make him a cake.  I did not buy him a gift. 

Ah, this is crappy.  And sad.  And hard.

Gulp. Bracing myself for Thursday.