Should I stay or should I go?

I was thinking yesterday.  Why, oh why do I allow myself to "go there", I have no clue.

But, I was thinking about when husband is gone, do I close this blog, or, keep it up in hopes that someone, somewhere out there may stumble upon this and see what survivors do after their loved one has passed?  To read of my journey and compare it to theirs?  Or, if they too are suspicious of strange behavior, (in the beginning) and wonder if their loved one has been affected by this horrible disease?  Have they ever even heard of Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease?  Is it possible for someone in the prime of their life to be struck down like husband has been? 

Oh, yes, my friend, it is possible.  I'm living proof of that. 

I started my book way back in late summer, last year.  I haven't been able to get back to it.  Then I started thinking, maybe, just maybe, I could publish this blog?  Maybe someone, wandering through a bookstore would find this published blog, glance through it, buy it, and maybe get some answers from it?  Maybe this person has questions as to why their loved one is acting strange, subtle at first, but, strange all the same.  Could it be that this person thinks they are losing it, or, imagining this strange behavior?

I did, back in 2008.

Oh, what a road I've traveled.  Oh, what a road I'm still traveling.  We can go from 0 to 60 in 2.2 seconds.

When looking at husband, I see how much his facial features have changed.  He just doesn't look the same. 

Last night, my wonderful neighbor invited me outside to have a glass of wine with her.  I don't drink, but, oh that was good.  It relaxed me.  Felt a little happy inside too.

Saw husband wandering the living room.  I had put him to bed earlier.  I went in and asked him if he was OK.  He was hallucinating, saying he couldn't get to the bedroom.  I got his walker, and took him to the bedroom and our bed.  He said that our bed didn't look like our bed.  I assured him it was.  I got him to sit on the side of the bed, all the while talking to him softly, calling him "sweetheart". 

Once he sat on the bed, still unsure if this was really his bed, he looked up at me and said, "Will you help me?"  I gently coaxed him to lie down and lifted his legs up on the bed.  Got him settled, and went back outside to finish my glass of wine.

When I sat down, my neighbor started to cry and said, "Oh, Sue.  That was so beautiful the way you handled him.  He was hallucinating, wasn't he?"  Yes, my dear, he was hallucinating.

A little bit of a rough night around 2:30 AM. 

So, you see, when husband is gone, I think I may keep up this blog.  There's someone out there who needs me!!