Fresh N' Ready

I post early in the morning. All is quiet, my mind goes places not possible the rest of the day. I think about everything. The past, the present and the future. The good times, bad times, happy times, sad times. I think about my family, my husband, my kids, my mother, sisters' and brothers'. I think about what the future holds for me. I worry financially. I make decisions, some I stick to, some I don't. I picture myself alone, with all the kids out of the house and my husband gone. Can I do this? I ask myself. I don't know, I answer myself. Will I wake up each morning and feel a dread? Or will I wake up each morning and look ahead?

Kristen got another part in a movie they are filming here. She is excited as it is a speaking part. She doesn't know what part she will play, has her audition this afternoon. Guess we'll know by end of day. She makes me smile, her future so bright. I remember me at her age. I already had a few kids, my only goal at that time was getting one kid potty trained, while waiting to birth another. The future at that time in my life was non-existent. Never thought about it, was too busy.

Now, here I am, all these years later, and the future is brushing my face. Here it is, ready or not. Where will I be a year from now? I think.

Today is a new day, dawning cool and clear. Today, I say to myself, I will look ahead to whatever. I can't change the past, I can only head forward, that's life. Don't know where that'll take me.

I do know a few things: That I loved my husband; that Familial Frontal Lobe Dementia is a horrible, horrible way to go; that I love my children with all of my soul; that those grandbabies are so, so precious; that I love my mother; that I love my sisters' & brothers'; that I do have a future, one that will not be spent with my husband, but a future none the less.