My Other Life

Father's Day was very quiet at my house. He slept most of the day. He sleeps on an average of 18-20 hours a day now. My husband used to get by on about 4-5 hours sleep a day. He was such a hard working man. Now, he's up for 4-5 hours and sleeps the rest of the time.

My daughter in law, Christine said yesterday, "that's not normal to sleep that long". Uh, what? Then she realized what she had just said, got tears in her eyes and turned away. Of course that's not normal, but my life as I know it now is not normal. We have a new "normal". One that deals with statistics, phases, memory loss, personality change, on set of seizures, halucinations and eventual death.

I so wish I could have my other life back. One where the girls in the office and I would complain about our husbands. It was all in fun, but it was so, well, normal. One where my husband would say, "you've worked hard all day, let's go out to eat". Or, "let's go to the Jemez Mountains tomorrow". On Sunday night he would say, "Back at it tomorrow, what a great weekend". On Friday night, "yes, the weekend is here". So many things I miss about my other life.

I don't dwell on it, but, with Father's Day yesterday, it got me thinking about my other life. So much has changed.

It's all memories now, that other life. I feel like a different person, I think of that other woman, the other me. I think of how she went about life, being wife and mom. She wasn't carefree, but she had a great sense of humor, looked at things differently, maybe even took advantage that her husband would always be there.

Now that womans' life has been given a different path. I will still stand strong, I will laugh, I will still be wife and mom. Only, in a different way than I had ever imagined.

They say, "Change is good?" But not this kind of change.