Bitter Pill

I was hoping I could report that husband is better. He is not. There seems to have been a sudden shift in all areas. His walking is worse, his memory, or, lack thereof is worse, his attitude is not good.

I wish I could take him to the hospital, they would admit him, give him medicine, watch him for about 3 days, dishcarge him good as new. In his case, nothing can be done.

That's one of the hardest. Nothing. You get to sit and watch this all unfold. And wait. Wait for signs of this, or signs of that.

I woke up this morning feeling dread. What is today going to bring? How much longer can this go on? I think back to last Sunday. Looking forward to Marie coming for Thansgiving. Was going to make this a good holiday. A good visit. No matter what.

Unfortunately, Dementia made us all aware at just how ugly this disease is.

I'm spent, I'm done. There is no more hope for anything. All I can do now is watch my husband die. That's it. That is what my future holds for me. Nothing else.

I have been reading posts on other blogs. Such happiness. Such "togetherness". Wonderful time spent with family. Looking forward to Christmas and more time spent with family, happiness in the wonderment of the holidays. Blah.

Today I have become someone I don't like. Someone I would avoid. I don't want husband to go through this. I don't want to go through this. I don't want my children to witness this. Yet, here we are, going through this, witnessing this. It's just not fair.

I want to take him to the hospital and scream at them to make him better. Give him a magic pill please, make him better.

The only pill being given out today is mine. A Bitter Pill.