Wrong Turn

Physical Therapy went well yesterday. The young assistant did not know what was wrong with husband. As we were walking to the work out area she asked him what his pain level was. He just nodded to her. She gave him a funny look. I decided it was time to get out one of my business cards. I pass these out during an uncomfortable moment. On it it says, "Thank you for understanding, our Loved One has Dementia". She read it, her eyes got big, she turned to me and said, "Oh dear, I'm sorry, I didn't know. I'm filling in for Debbie". I told her that it was OK, but, he doesn't have any pain.

She got him settled on an exercise bike. He almost fell off a few times. Guess she was not used to these type of patients. Once she felt comfortable she came and sat down with me. I gave her a brief history of husband. How much time does he have?, she asked. Don't know, I said. She then put her arm around me and told me to leave. Said he was in good hands, I had an hour to kill, go get some coffee at a coffee shop nearby. I hesitated because leaving him is something I don't do. I gave her instructions on how to handle him. I said if he doesn't respond to her questions, he is not hard of hearing, his brain does not compute words anymore, making it look as if he's hard of hearing. All you have to do, I said, is, guide him to the next machine.

I got in the car and it hit me. It felt like I was leaving one of my kids at daycare. Remember those days? Leaving instructions on how to handle your 3 yr old? I started driving and felt the tears come. Had a short burst and drove to the coffee shop. Felt nervous about leaving husband there, alone, without me.

Once I got back, I found him with Debbie, his regular Physical Therapist. She was talking away to him. "The Look" was there, but, I could see something else. He kept looking around. I think he was looking for me. When it was over, the assistant brought him back out to me. She said, "There's your wife". His face lit up.

On the way home, I asked him what they did while I was gone. He said, "I rode a bike". That's it. He rode a bike. Of course he did other exercises, but that's all he could remember. He rode a bike.

Frankly, I don't know if this Physical Therapy will do any good. His legs are very weak and spastic. There is nothing that can restore the legs. The part of the brain that controls his motor skills is continuing to being destroyed. Can't fix that. I'll continue with the Physical Therapy through December, then I'll decide what to do. He was exhausted yesterday. Slept for most of the day.

How did I get here? How come it is, after all the years of caring for helpless babies, I now get to care for a helpless man who cannot think for himself anymore? I didn't sign up for this. I didn't ask for this. We were going to get the kids raised, get a small house up in the Jemez Mountains and begin a new life. Just the two of us. Somehow, someway, we took a detour and ended up in the Land of Dementia.