I took husband over to his Dads' house yesterday after church. We had a very interesting conversation, his Dad and I. As I was leaving, he followed me to the door and told me that he did not think husband had Dementia. Said it was a spine injury. After I picked my jaw up, I told him no, husband has Dementia.
At first I felt sorry for him because I thought he was in denial. Then, he proceeds to tell me that husband told him the Dr's said it was a spinal injury causing his legs to not work anymore. Are you kidding me? I told him that husband had an MRI & a CT Scan, spine was normal, no sign of injury. He looked so confused, then said, "Well, if it's Dementia like what his mother had, he would be having seizures". Uh, duh?
I turned around and told him husband IS having seizures and is on medication for it. He is also hallucinating. That poor man's face. I then told him that husband had the Cognitive Testing and failed miserably. "He had the brain test?", he asks. "Yes", I say. "And he failed?" "Yes".
My father in law's face crumpled. I felt so bad for him. I crushed his world. I thought he knew. I don't communicate much with him but, he did go with us to the Dr before diagnosis to give a family history. I thought he knew. After all, take one look at husband and you KNOW something is wrong with his brain. He walks like a person who's had a severe brain injury. Father in law got very quiet. I think he was putting two and two together.
Seems husband has been telling him fibs about his real condition. Husband is still in denial and making his Dad believe there is not much wrong with him. I feel bad because maybe I should've been more in communication with him. I just thought husband had told him.
One day this week, I am going to father in laws house. I will give him the file I have on husband and let him read the diagnosis himself. This is so sad for all of us. I have to deliver the devastating news to his dad that his son is indeed dying. Great.
Now, thinking about it all, it makes sense. I wondered why his dad didn't come around much. I resented him for that. Why didn't he call much? He just didn't know. I felt such compassion for him last night. I felt so bad for him.
Shame on me for thinking husband had told him. I should've known better. Husband is still in denial when it comes to other people. He only talks about it with me. He only shares his fears with me. I am the only one he talks to about dying. Just me. Maybe his dad will come around more once he knows the truth. I hope so. I know he loves his son, I could see that yesterday. I am not going to ask husband why he didn't tell him. That would be like asking a 2 yr old why he made a mess. No answers.
I hate this, all of it.
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