OK. Time for a little of what I call "Vent Session". Grab a cup of coffee, settle in your favorite chair and read on.
There are many things I have learned in the last 3 years as I have walked this journey. I have changed into someone I never knew existed. I have become my own person. I have grown up.
I also have met many people in this walk. Some I hope never to meet again. Some I would like to have in my life going forward.
I have watched my husband go from this big strong, hard working man into a shriveled up baby. He is crippled up. In mind and body.
Now, here is where the "Vent Session" comes into play.
When strangers, friends and yes, even family members tell me, "Well, at least he'll be in Heaven", lately, something inside of me seems to boil over.
I have been told this for the last 3 years. And now, finally I am going to address this issue.
Why oh why do people think that by saying that, it somehow makes it all better? Do they not understand that in order to get to Heaven, one has to suffer and die? Leaving loved ones here on earth to be heartbroken?
No one knows what is it like to watch someone suffer, knowing the end result will be death. That person will die, leaving a family who have loved him. No one, that is, unless you have walked it.
Most of these "well meaning" people have never known such a loss. They don't think when they speak. I know, for I used to be among them.
Yes, I have learned so much. Going forward, when I meet someone who is going through a loss, I will comfort them, do for them what I can, make them feel not so lonely. I will never say to them, "Well, at least he/she is in Heaven". Please understand, while we know they are in Heaven, we, selfishly, want them here, alive and healthy.
No, that won't make it all better for them. It won't take away the pain of losing someone. Frankly, it'll only make it worse. Reminding someone of their lost loved one, gone forever?
While I am a Christian and believe in Heaven, please don't remind me that that's where husband is going. I will be without him, my life partner. I will be alone. My other half gone, forever.
Boy, this journey has taken some turns, I'll tell ya.
Marching on...........................................................................................................................................
Your venting makes perfect sense! When my Mother passed 6 years ago my Stepfather said the same thing. He too a Christian ...would feel his blood boil when people will say ...atleast she is no longer suffering/in Heaven. I totally understand what you are saying ...I know my Mom is young/healthy/happy in Heaven ...but I sure would love to have her here with me!
ReplyDeleteI hear what you are saying. It seems that when we seek to comfort others, knowing what not to say seems to be even more important than knowing what to say. I am curious to know if there's anything anyone has said to you that you found especially comforting? Or is it simply the silent listener or fellow sufferer who quietly understands the best comforter? It's true that pain & suffering can't be wrapped up into a neat little package with a bow on top with the well-intended yet misguided phrases people often utter.
ReplyDeleteSometimes people say what they can and they too are uncomfortable and do not know what to say. It is their way to bring you some comfort. While we know the outcome because we live it each day and do not want to reminded of it, they say it to help you (or so they think). So forgive them for not knowing better and keep marching on. I know it can be irritating and angers you, but do the Christian thing and let is slide or say , Yes I know dear where he will be, but I will still miss his earthly body here with me even though he may not have been 100 percent here, I 100 percent loved him and I will miss his presence. But thank you for thinking of me. God bless you. I have been keeping up with you from the beginning of your journey and pray that God will give you both exactly what you need at the time you need it. An Avid Ga reader....GiGi
ReplyDelete