Choices

My life is so exciting. I am looking out my living room window watching my neighbors scrape old shingles off of their roof. Looks like they are getting a new roof. A big truck just came, delivering shingles.

Huh, my life now.

Husband has been up for 20 minutes. I have just gotten through answering the same question 3 times.

Anyone watch Dancing With The Stars? I'm not crazy about the show, but wanted to watch for several reasons. Rob Kardashian is on it. That's the most active I have ever seen this guy. Mostly, he is in bed, living at his sister's house, doing.............nothing. Nancy Grace is another. While she will never be invited to my house for dinner, I have to give her credit for going on national TV and dancing. Her kids are cute too. Ricki Lake is another one. I love her. She is fresh, bright and funny. I thought she did an OK job. Then, there is Chaz Bono. I admire him for being the stand up person he has become. Where I don't believe we are born the wrong sex, I have to give him applause for what he believes in. I thought he did fantastic. Was scanning the audience for his mother. She was not there.

When I think of Chaz Bono, and all the lonely times he has gone through, I think of husband now. In husband's mind, he is alone, he is lost. He is trying to remember who he is now. He thinks he knows what he wants, but has to reconsider all the time. He never trusts his decisions, hence, I make all decisions. I can see him at times going in circles, wanting to make a decision, but doesn't know how anymore.

Once again, I do not believe that we are born the wrong sex. It's all in the mind. But, it was a decision he wrestled with his whole life. A decision he had to make public, whether he was applauded or rejected, it was his decision. We need to honor that.

Now, I come to husband. He did not ask for this disease to come and destroy him. He had no choice. His world now consists of constant confusion. It's in everything he does. It even affects his sleep. It's in what he eats, where he is going, what day it is, what month it is, what time it is, what he wears, when he takes a shower, did he take his meds, where is his son, what are we doing today. These questions are asked of me daily.

Chaz had a choice and he made a difference in his life. My husband did not have a choice and what a difference it made in his life.