Somewhere

I've been in a slump the past few days.

We are, I think, entering the final phase of this disease.  Husband has been absolutely lost the past few days. You cannot hold a conversation with him at all.

As I was talking with him yesterday, his left eye became bigger than his right.  It was an awful sight.  Then, the eyes started to wander.  I kept talking, but, knew I had lost him.

Everything I tell him he does not retain.  Everything.

As I was heating up dinner last night, he asked me what we were having.  I told him.  Went in the kitchen to check on dinner, came back into the living room and he asked me what we were having for dinner.

Yesterday morning I was going to father in law's house to give him Jack's address.  Told husband where we were going, only stopping for gas first.  He became so confused in the car.  Did not know where I was going, saying I was going the wrong way to his dad's.

He has forgotten that he cannot walk anymore.  He tries to walk, stumbles, and, when I tell him to sit in his wheelchair, he looks at me as if I'm crazy.  He told me yesterday he can walk just fine.  It's all in my head, he said.

He is in the bathroom constantly now.  I think he's afraid he's going to have an accident, so, he sits on the toilet.  Every time I went to check on him yesterday, he was in the bathroom.

Also, and this may sound funny to some, but, I have noticed an increase in use of toilet paper.  I put a package out in the basket in the bathroom, by next day, it's half gone.  I don't know what he's doing with the toilet paper, but, I cannot afford to keep buying the stuff!!  Actually, I looked in the waste basket, and it was full of toilet paper.  I asked him why there was so much toilet paper in the trash.  He looked at me as if I were talking a foreign language to him.

Just some of the turn of events in the last few days.

He tells me that I am the one who is imagining there's something wrong with him.  He says he is perfectly normal.  I just have an unusual overactive imagination.  Oh, I wish it were so.

When all this occurs, I am the one who has to react.  I have to act like there is nothing wrong with him.  I have to go along with it.  Otherwise, it can get ugly around here.

It's a crazy house, I'll tell ya.

I woke up this morning, looked at husband sleeping, with those eyes squinted shut and thought to myself, "I wonder what side of the rainbow we're going to be on today?"

Somewhere over that rainbow, is peace.  There is no sickness.  There is no confusion.  There, you can walk again.  There is no Alzheimer's.

It's called Heaven.