But when Jesus heard this, He said, "This sickness is not to end in death; but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it." John 11:4
I know my husband is suffering. There is so much confusion around him now. His eyes dart around the room, looking for something to recognize. Even me.
I took him out for a few hours yesterday. I took him grocery shopping with me. I had to. I was afraid to leave him alone. He was in better spirits than the day before.
Oh, this roller coaster.
Jack got his orders. He has to go to a hotel, Monday night. Tuesday morning, he goes to the MEP (I think that's how you spell it) Station for his final physical, is sworn in again and off to the airport.
My son, that beautiful baby I gave birth to, that big bouncing baby boy will leave and begin a new life all on his own.
I remember when he was born, he was so big (almost 10 lbs), how they laughed that they had to go to the Pediatric unit to get bigger diapers for this child. He was the talk of the maternity ward.
That baby is now a young man, ready to begin his life.
How I loved raising him. He was always such a good boy.
I don't know how I'm going to allow him to leave. I am scared of my feelings. I am trying to be strong and act happy for him. While I am happy for him, inside I'm crying.
Crying for all that he has lost. He doesn't get to have that Father & Son talk, he doesn't get to joke with his dad, he has no bond whatsoever with his dad anymore. He mostly ignores his dad. He's angry. He's also scared the he too may inherit this monster.
Sometimes it's all just too much for me.
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