After 2 1/2 hours of working on my laptop, I finally got my internet fixed and cleaned up. I was concerned that I would have to take it in and pay a lot of money to get it fixed. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. I apologize again for the lousy post yesterday.
While in California, having had 4 days alone, I came back refreshed and with a different mind set. Gosh, just in those few short days I had plenty of time reflecting on the airplane and late at night after everyone had gone to bed at my sister's.
It's hard to explain, but, I'll try.
I have had a dread in my chest for about 4 years. It's just been there with me on a daily basis. During my Mom's Memorial Service, we were given a big white balloon, attached with a card. We each wrote a message, and released them at the same time in her back yard. While watching those balloons float up toward the Heavens, a burden seemed to lift from my chest. I didn't recognize it at first, but, once again, settled on the plane, homebound, it dawned on me that this heaviness and dread was gone.
It has not returned and I've been home for over a week now.
Something else happened to me.
I had never been to Denver Int'l Airport. If you get the opportunity, go to Denver Int'l, the place is huge!! Tish took me, and, all the way there, I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't put my finger on it, as I have no problem flying, even alone. It was just such an uncomfortable feeling.
Once on the plane, they kept asking people with carry on bags to check them in at the gate, with no charge, as the flight was full with no available seats and overhead bins were filling up. I had already had my bag in the overhead bin, so it was not a problem with me.
As I sat there watching people board, I became emotional and just so nervous. Being that I had a window seat, I looked out the window and started whispering to my Mother. I asked her to please be with me as I was so scared and did not know why. During this time, the flight attendants kept informing us of the full flight and how there were no seats available, and, be respectful of passengers and the overhead bins.
We pushed off from the gate and started down the runway. Tears were running down my face as we took off, with me still whispering to my Mother.
Once we were up in the air, I started reading a magazine, trying to relax. I got a warm fuzzy feeling and looked to the seat next to me. It was empty. And then this overwhelming feeling came over me and I knew my Mother's spirit was sitting next to me.
What a beautiful feeling it was.
Life without my Mother has been challenging, but, I now feel her.
Life with Alzheimer's is challenging, but, it is "Well with my Soul".