Husband's last camping trip

Husband's last camping trip

Monday, December 21, 2015

Getting on board!!

Gosh, it's been 3 months since my last post.  I had not intended to post anymore, but, felt compelled to do so today.

Life is, I don't know.  Hard, I guess.  With the Holidays', I've had a rough time.  Thanksgiving was awful for me.  With Christmas coming this week I am more excited for it.  But not in the way one would think.  I'm excited for it to be over with.  Wash my hands and be done with it.  I have made up my mind to smile a lot on Christmas, I don't want to put anyone else in a sad mood.  It's only 1 day, I tell myself.

I do smile.  I do laugh.  but, then, at the most unexpected time, grief will overtake me.  It can, at times, shake me to my core.  I hate it.

Husband has been gone almost 6 months.  The time has flown for me.  They say time heals.  I disagree.  It's hit me harder the last 2 months.  You never get over it.  I am learning to live without him, but, the hurt remains.  Still fresh.  Still just as painful.

I visited a Church yesterday.  It was really great.  I can't wait to go for Christmas Eve Services.  They have a lot of groups there.  One is Grief Share and another one is a Social Gathering each Friday night.  I'd like to check into both of those.  I feel the need to fit in somewhere.

So, for those few who still check in, I am doing OK. Not fantastic, but, not too bad. 

Life is going to go on, regardless of what happened.  I can either join in or not.  I choose to join in.  A little damaged, (no, a lot damaged) a little worse for the wear, a little sadder than most, but, I have to join in. 

Life is happening all around me.  I need to get on board.  I need a boarding pass.

1 comment:

  1. Nice to read your post. You are right, it doesn't get better, at least not for a long time. You have lost a big part of you when you spouse became ill and then left you. I think "one day at a time" is better then " time heals all wounds." You have the strength to find joy even with sorrow present. May the New Year being new joys.