Gosh, it's been 3 months since my last post. I had not intended to post anymore, but, felt compelled to do so today.
Life is, I don't know. Hard, I guess. With the Holidays', I've had a rough time. Thanksgiving was awful for me. With Christmas coming this week I am more excited for it. But not in the way one would think. I'm excited for it to be over with. Wash my hands and be done with it. I have made up my mind to smile a lot on Christmas, I don't want to put anyone else in a sad mood. It's only 1 day, I tell myself.
I do smile. I do laugh. but, then, at the most unexpected time, grief will overtake me. It can, at times, shake me to my core. I hate it.
Husband has been gone almost 6 months. The time has flown for me. They say time heals. I disagree. It's hit me harder the last 2 months. You never get over it. I am learning to live without him, but, the hurt remains. Still fresh. Still just as painful.
I visited a Church yesterday. It was really great. I can't wait to go for Christmas Eve Services. They have a lot of groups there. One is Grief Share and another one is a Social Gathering each Friday night. I'd like to check into both of those. I feel the need to fit in somewhere.
So, for those few who still check in, I am doing OK. Not fantastic, but, not too bad.
Life is going to go on, regardless of what happened. I can either join in or not. I choose to join in. A little damaged, (no, a lot damaged) a little worse for the wear, a little sadder than most, but, I have to join in.
Life is happening all around me. I need to get on board. I need a boarding pass.