Done, done and more done

I did not have a good weekend. I had my eyes opened to a few things that are disturbing to me today. Maybe I shouldn't dwell on something I cannot change, however, it bothers me that no matter what I do, I am not taken seriously.

Husband informed me that between him, his dad and step mother, they have decided that he DOES NOT have Dementia, he only suffers from Drop Foot Syndrome. Yep, you heard right. Together, while he was visiting some time ago, his step mother, Lupe, looked up Drop Foot Syndrome on the internet. It said that it could be caused by damage to the spinal cord. So, together, those three decided right then and there, without further ado, that it is in fact NOT Dementia, therefore they have diagnosed husband to be suffering from Drop Foot, due to a fall he had 17 years ago. Yes, he did have a fall, but not to the extent that it caused any damage to his spinal cord. I was there, they weren't.

Dr A diagnosed diagnosed his Drop Foot in August. He said, and I quote, "Due to the on going damage to the frontal lobe, patient suffers from Drop Foot Syndrome associated with the Frontal Lobe Dementia." So, husband only heard "Drop Foot Syndrome" and ran with that. Told his dad, and together with the step mother, they did their own diagnosis, at home, without a Neurologist present.

I thought I had cleared all this up in early December, when father in law approached me with this convoluted idea he had. I had no idea the three of them had "researched" their diagnosis.

I am at a loss as to what to do. I am mad, frustrated, at a loss for words (a first for me), and just plain sick of the entire situation. I have had thoughts (visions) of just dropping husband off at his dad's house and riding off into the sunset, (or, in my case, driving). Be done with it all.

This is so hard on me. I don't know where to turn. I am thinking of speaking directly with Dr A before our appointment on the 25th. He, Dr A, needs to sit husband down and give him the business himself. I am tired of being the "bad guy". In fact, I may invite my father in law and Lupe along for the ride. I can drop them all off at the Dr's and I'll go get an espresso. Together, those three can hear the facts and truth. Let them argue with a Neurologist, I am done. Together, the three of them can discuss their "findings" with a top notch Neurologist that specializes in Dementia. Have at it!!

After all this that I learned, I did something I never thought possible. Husband was walking from the bedroom into the living room, and fell, flat faced on the carpet. I just sat there, did nothing to help him up. Nothing. Kristen ran to him, helped him up. I still cannot believe I just sat there. What kind of a person am I? Am I that cold hearted? Am I really deep down a mean person?

After husband recovered, he said, "I can't believe you didn't help me." I can't believe it either, I thought.

When you are the one caring for someone like husband, when you are the one who sits up at night, watching him have tremors that rock your bed, when you are the one who has to make sure he doesn't wander off and get lost, when you are the one who has to tell him where the light switches are, where the silverware drawer is, when you are the one who answers the same question over and over, when you are the one who cares for someone like that, tell me, are the Neurologists at UNMH and I wrong? Are we making all this up, just to play a cruel joke? That's pretty cruel if you ask me.

Know what's cruel? Family members not believing you, making you out to be the bad guy, making it look as if you WANT something to be wrong with him, making you seem like a fool.

I don't know where to turn. I have no one who would even listen to me. No one! But, I do know one thing.

I am done!