Faith

What a week. A week filled with emotions, observations and memories.

I could not imagine that having a moving sale would trigger all these feelings. The things I have gotten rid of were just things, However, I did not realize that they would bring out feelings I did not know existed.

I sold a lot of stuff. Making this move easy for me. I was teasing the kids yesterday. I told them they had better watch out because one morning I may wake them up and say, "Get up, I just sold your bed". I have been focused on getting rid of so much. Purging.

Could it be that I am trying to rid myself of holding on? Am I trying to wash away the memories of days gone by? I don't know, but, maybe, deep down, I am trying to get rid of all that was and never can be again.

On the observation side, I've noticed a decrease in husband's memory. It happened so fast this week. He is fading away, I can see it. He cannot pronounce even the easiest of words now. When did that happen? Jack came to me yesterday and said, "Mom, dad's getting bad. I had to help him turn on his TV. He forgot how." Crap.

His attempt at walking has gotten more labored. He holds on to everything in an attempt to walk. I noticed yesterday while in the garage, his legs were having constant tremors. While dishing up dinner last night, constant tremors. When I noticed it, I looked up at him, saw the fear in his eyes, then, he grabbed onto his legs in an effort to stop them from the tremors.

I will have to take the cane away and he will have to start using the walker. Getting him to do this is another thing. Eventually, I will have to get a wheel chair for him. I wish I could afford a mobile one, one that they drive themselves. It might be easier for him, knowing he can go where he wants, on his own.

We had an offer on his truck the other day. Of course, husband said no. I was ready to sign the title over, but, husband is holding on. Then, the man said, "How are you still able to drive?" My sentiments exactly. It may have seemed cruel for him to say that, but, it was the truth. Husband was not amused.

Today is our last day for the garage sale. What I don't sell, I'll either keep or take to Good Will.

After this weekend, I am concentrating on packing up, getting ready for the move. Funny thing is, I haven't found another place yet. I have a lead on one, working on it, but, right now, I have no place to go. My friend called me yesterday and asked why I was doing all of this if I don't even have another place to go. "Easy", I said, "It's called Faith".