Questions

I woke in the middle of the night as husband was telling me to go get Bessie,(our big dog), from the back yard as she was eating chicken bones. Only, he didn't say it as clear as I just typed it. It sounded like he was drunk, slurring his words. I don't know if he was talking and acting out in his sleep or, if it was hallucinations. Hard to tell.

I dozed back off, then woke again to see him hobbling into the bathroom, muttering to himself.

Before diagnosis, I welcomed sleep. I would get into bed, snuggle down for a good nights' sleep. I now go to bed, lay there for awhile, waiting for the tremors to stop, doze off, wake up, check on husband, doze back off, wake up, check on husband, all night long.

Confusion abounds here lately. This has gone on for days. He just doesn't seem to be with it.

I have started up my job search again. Trouble is, there are so many unemployed people out there, the competition is great. If I don't find a job, then so be it. If I do, great. The extra income is needed here. I have no other choice. If I do happen to find a job, husband will go to Adult Day Care. Husband can also go to his dad's house during the day. He will probably choose his dad's house. Either way, I have to go back to work and husband will need supervision. Period. End of discussion.

I have to run errands today. That means I will leave husband at home. Alone. He cannot go to too many places, he tires easily, gets confused, starts to wander off and gets lost. I call, hoping he will answer the phone. He gets confused when the phone rings nowadays. Sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn't. So, I will run my errands as fast as I can, all the while with husband on my mind. I hope he will just stay on the bed watching TV.

So, this is where I am at today. The decision to return to work has been hard on me. Can I perform on the job, knowing I've left husband in the care of someone else? Will I worry all day about husband? Is he OK, has he eaten? Can I do this? Will I find a job?

So many questions, so few answers.